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Last month\u2019s contest featured a captionless drawing by <\/span>New Yorker<\/span><\/i> cartoonist <\/span>Tim Hamilton<\/b>, who helped judge the more than 500 entries. If you like his work as much as we do, check out his website<\/a> and podcast<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n Hamilton\u2019s drawing is set in a bar, where two human-size fish are sitting next to each other on stools. The one on the right is addressing the bartender, who\u2019s holding a telephone. Hamilton\u2019s original caption suggested the fish is asking the bartender to cover for him: <\/span>\u201cIf that’s my wife, tell her I left an hour ago and am headed upstream to spawn right now.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n A few of you with similar ideas submitted puns:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n In the next set of captions, the fish is not asking the bartender to lie, but he is telling the bartender what to say:\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n These captions suggest the fish is:<\/span><\/p>\n Worried: <\/span>\u201cShe’s pissed. She used my scientific name.\u201d<\/i><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Exasperated: <\/span>\u201cI swear, it’s like she has sonar.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n Resigned: <\/span>\u201cCaught again.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n Kicking himself for an earlier mistake: \u201c<\/span>I never should’ve bought her that fish finder.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n The best \u201cwife on the line\u201d came out of left field, surprising and delighting us: <\/span>\u201cIf that’s my wife, then who am I sitting next to?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n These entries suggest that the person who\u2019s calling the bar may not be the fish\u2019s wife:\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n I especially like the way that first caption suggests an entire backstory (one that involves a lot of broken glass and flood damage).<\/span><\/p>\n Dark jokes are always welcome, and this contest elicited several decent ones:\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n I\u2019m surprised that only one of you addressed the fact that the fish are as large as a human being: <\/span>\u201cYou should\u2019ve seen the size of the fisherman that got away.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n Here\u2019s another entry that deserves credit for focusing on a small detail that everyone else overlooked: <\/span>\u201cDude, your line’s twisted.\u201d<\/i><\/b> Yes, it\u2019s a pun, but I like it. I\u2019d like it even more without the word \u201cDude,\u2019 which is both unnecessary and distracting.<\/span><\/p>\n The idea behind this joke is solid, but I hate the way it\u2019s worded: <\/span>\u201cI ain’t a fish outta water, Mac. I’m a fish outta scotch!\u201d<\/i><\/b> The colloquialisms and exclamation point doesn\u2019t help.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Bob liked this horrible joke\u2014<\/span>“Yes, I’m Salman.\u201d<\/i><\/b>\u2014and because he\u2019s done so much for me over the years I decided against my better judgment to highlight it in this commentary.<\/span><\/p>\n The next two entries acknowledge the difficulty a fish would have with a barstool:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n They\u2019d also have trouble drinking out of a bottle (<\/span>\u201cWhat do you have to do to get a plastic straw around here?\u201d<\/i><\/b>) or using a phone (\u201c<\/span>I\u2019m going to need you to dial for me.\u201d<\/i><\/b>).<\/span><\/p>\n The following caption notes that yeast stress, caustic or sanitizer residue, or oxidation can trigger chemical reactions that produce amnio compounds or sulfur, resulting in a distinct and unpleasant fish-like funk: <\/span>\u201cIs it me, or does this beer smell funny?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n These two entries focus on the fact that fish are aquatic animals:\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n And these three play on the double-meaning of words that can be used in the context of both fishing and making a phone call:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n This entry does a nice job of combining references to fish and alcohol: \u201c<\/span>One bottle of tequila. The one with the worm in it.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n And here\u2019s a decent pun that doubles as a very mild sex joke: <\/span>\u201cWhen do the barflies arrive?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n This final caption (<\/span>\u201cIt\u2019s easier to get to the spawning grounds than it is to get a beer around here.\u201d<\/i><\/b>) reminds me of a story. My friend Bill Siegel received an Academy Award nomination in 2004 for co-directing the terrific documentary \u201cThe Weather Underground.\u201d At the ceremony in Los Angeles, he was standing at a crowded bar when he heard a woman behind him say, \u201cWho do I have to fuck to get a drink around here?\u201d He turned around and it was Faye Dunaway.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Congratulations to JOE AYELLA, who submitted the winning caption: <\/span>\u201cIf that\u2019s my wife, then who am I sitting next to?\u201d<\/i><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The five runners-up are:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n ROB NEEDHAM<\/span><\/p>\n KATHY WROBEL<\/span><\/p>\n JOHN KONNO<\/span><\/p>\n KATHY WROBEL<\/span>\u00a0<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n KURT ROSETTI<\/span><\/p>\n If you want to see how we made our selections, we recorded the process and posted it on our YouTube channel<\/a> (Subscribe!).<\/span><\/p>\n\n
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