{"id":1599,"date":"2019-02-12T23:55:09","date_gmt":"2019-02-13T04:55:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/more.cartooncollections.com\/?p=1599"},"modified":"2020-08-19T09:43:22","modified_gmt":"2020-08-19T13:43:22","slug":"baby-interrogation-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/baby-interrogation-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood\/","title":{"rendered":"“Baby Interrogation” Caption Contest Commentary with Lawrence Wood"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"The contest that ended last week featured a drawing by Benjamin Schwartz. Through a two-way mirror we see a baby in a police interrogation room\u2014he\u2019s sitting in a highchair\u2014while outside this room a male cop says something to his female partner.<\/p>\n

In movies, cops who are frustrated in their efforts to get a suspect to provide information say, \u201cHe won\u2019t talk.\u201d Babies, of course, can\u2019t talk, so I initially considered the following captions:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \u201cHe\u2019s not talking.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
  2. \u201cHe won\u2019t talk. He doesn\u2019t know how.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n
  3. \u201cHe won\u2019t talk\u2014not until he\u2019s two.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n
  4. \u201cHe won\u2019t talk. He\u2019s preverbal.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Because suspects try to appear innocent, and no one looks more innocent than a baby, I considered:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. \u201cSure, he looks innocent.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n
    2. \u201cHe\u2019s not as innocent as he looks.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n
    3. \u201cHe only looks innocent.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Smart suspects also lawyer up, and that led to, \u201cHe wants a lawyer . . . and his mommy.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Then I thought about a good cop\/bad cop scenario: \u201cI give him the teddy bear, and you take it away.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

      I then thought of a dark caption that referenced both the highchair and the death penalty: \u201cI misunderstood when you said they gave him the chair.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

      While thinking about baby-faced killers, I came up with, \u201cHe hates that nickname. Just call him Nelson.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Anyone my age (I\u2019m fifty-six) will remember the \u201970s TV show \u201cBaretta,\u201d about a cop who always said, \u201cDon\u2019t do the crime if you can\u2019t do the time.\u201d Adding one word to the end of that line led to a caption that works in the context of this drawing\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t do the crime if you can\u2019t do the time-out\u201d<\/strong>\u2014but is not good enough to submit. I\u2019m including it because, as Bob Mankoff once wrote, \u201cQuality of captions emerges from quantity of captions.\u201d Don\u2019t censor yourself when trying to come up with a winning caption. Write down everything you think of, and then eliminate the Baretta-inspired ones.<\/p>\n

      Now, let\u2019s take a look at some of the more than 3,300 captions you submitted.<\/p>\n

      Like I did, many of you went for the idea that the suspect was too young to talk. Several of you submitted one of the very captions I considered: \u201cHe\u2019s not talking.\u201d<\/strong> A few of you added a single word to that caption\u2014\u201cHe\u2019s still not talking,\u201d<\/strong> and \u201cHe\u2019s not talking yet\u201d<\/strong>\u2014and I can\u2019t decide whether that extra word helps or hurts. Good variations on the same joke included, \u201cHe\u2019s not ready to talk,\u201d<\/strong> \u201cCan\u2019t talk, or won\u2019t talk?\u201d<\/strong> and \u201cHe\u2019ll talk. Eventually.\u201d<\/strong> That last caption is very similar to another entry\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t worry, he\u2019ll talk. Eventually\u201d<\/strong>\u2014but the shorter version is better because it omits the first two words, which are unnecessary. When it comes to captions, less is often more.<\/p>\n

      Another caption focused on a baby\u2019s developing motor skills and connected it beautifully to the setting with, \u201cEventually he\u2019ll walk.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

      There were a lot of \u201cinnocent baby\u201d captions, including two entries I like because, again, they\u2019re identical to mine: \u201cHe\u2019s not as innocent as he looks,\u201d <\/strong>and \u201cHe only looks innocent.\u201d <\/strong>Good variations on the same joke included, \u201cHe\u2019s acting all innocent,\u201d <\/strong>and \u201cI think he\u2019s innocent.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

      One of my favorite entries was similar to the \u201cinnocent baby\u201d captions but put an interesting spin on the concept by referencing suspects who deny any knowledge of wrongdoing: \u201cHow much could he know anyway?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Congratulations to whomever submitted, \u201cWe gave him the chair,\u201d<\/strong> similar to but far pithier than and thus superior to my death penalty caption.<\/p>\n

      Suspects often avoid responsibility for their crimes by flipping on someone else, and a few of you addressed that phenomenon. The best such caption was, \u201cHe blames his parents.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Some of you submitted \u201cbaby-faced killer\u201d jokes. The best was, \u201cHis name? Nelson,\u201d<\/strong> which is far shorter and better than my own Baby Face Nelson caption.<\/p>\n

      A few of you made shit jokes. There\u2019s nothing wrong with scatological humor, and I especially liked, \u201cSomething doesn\u2019t smell right,\u201d<\/strong> \u201cKid\u2019s dirty. I can smell it,\u201d<\/strong> and \u201cI\u2019m too old for this shit\u2026literally\u2026someone has to change his diaper.\u201d<\/strong> That last caption is long, but I don\u2019t know how to shorten it\u2014every word seems necessary\u2014and I was glad to see someone send up a line that\u2019s become a clich\u00e9 ever since Danny Glover delivered it in \u201cLethal Weapon.\u201d<\/p>\n

      One of you improved on my \u201clawyering up\u201d caption with, \u201cHe wants his lawyer and a blankie.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Good puns are rare, but two of you came up with slightly different versions of a really fine one: \u201cHe\u2019s a little suspect,\u201d<\/strong> and \u201cHe\u2019s more than a little suspect.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Better than my Baretta-inspired \u201ctime-out\u201d caption\u2014and that includes most everything\u2014was this entry: \u201cI told him he could be looking at some serious time out.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

      I\u2019ll conclude today\u2019s post with several terrific captions that, in addition to addressing police work and babies in a clever way, delighted me because they came out of left field:<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. \u201cI know at least two people who will rest easier with him behind bars.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n
      2. \u201cI read him his rights and a story.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
      3. \u201cHe recently completed nine months in confinement.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
      4. \u201cWe may have to hold him.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
      5. \u201cI checked. No priors.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
      6. \u201cTell me if he tries anything cute.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
      7. \u201cResisting a rest.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        If I were in charge of selecting a winner, I\u2019d give it to, \u201cResisting a rest.\u201d<\/p>\n

        See the winner here.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        The contest that ended last week featured a drawing by Benjamin Schwartz. Through a two-way mirror we see a baby in a police interrogation room\u2014he\u2019s sitting in a highchair\u2014while outside this room a male cop says something to his female partner. In movies, cops who are frustrated in their efforts to get a suspect to…
        Continue Reading…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":1600,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-1599","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-caption-contest-commentary","8":"entry"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n"Baby Interrogation" Caption Contest Commentary with Lawrence Wood – The CartoonStock.com Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\""Baby Interrogation" Caption Contest Commentary with Lawrence Wood – CartoonStock.com\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, 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