{"id":3154,"date":"2019-10-23T06:00:38","date_gmt":"2019-10-23T10:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/more.cartooncollections.com\/?p=3154"},"modified":"2020-08-19T09:43:04","modified_gmt":"2020-08-19T13:43:04","slug":"crime-scene-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/crime-scene-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cCrime Scene\u201d Caption Contest Commentary with Lawrence Wood"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-3118\" src=\"\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/ByrnesCCcc3.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"350\" height=\"341\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/ByrnesCCcc3.jpg 800w, https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/ByrnesCCcc3-300x293.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/ByrnesCCcc3-768x749.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 350px) 100vw, 350px\" \/>In Pat Byrnes\u2019 crime scene, a detective is looking at the chalk outline of a dismembered body and saying something to a uniformed officer.<\/p>\n<p>My first idea was to have the detective state the obvious:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cI suspect foul play.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cI\u2019m ruling out suicide.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Then, because the six body parts look like puzzle pieces, I considered these two captions:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cWe have to make all the pieces fit.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cIt\u2019s a puzzle.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Finally, I imagined the victim was not a person but a mannequin:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cI\u2019m liking the window dresser for this.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cThe window dresser did it.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Now let\u2019s see how you did:<\/p>\n<p>My initial idea, <strong>\u201cI suspect foul play,\u201d<\/strong> was hardly unique. Nine entrants submitted that exact caption. Here are some variations on the same joke:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cI\u2019m beginning to suspect foul play.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cI\u2019m beginning to think this was no accident.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cThis was no accident.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>There were even more variations on another one of my captions, \u201cI\u2019m ruling out suicide:\u201d<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cSo far we\u2019ve ruled out suicide.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cLet\u2019s rule out suicide.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cI have some doubts about that suicide note.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Instead of having the detective state the obvious, many of you made him completely oblivious to it:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cAny sign of a struggle?\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cAny sign of foul play?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cWhat makes you suspect foul play?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cLooks like an accident.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cI\u2019m thinking suicide.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cSuicide?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cPretty impressive for a suicide.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cDid he leave a note?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Here\u2019s a variation on the \u201csuicide note\u201d idea that pins the murder on the victim\u2019s spouse: <strong>\u201cHis wife said he didn\u2019t leave a note.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And here are a couple more \u201cwife did it\u201d entries:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cHis wife said, \u2018does this make me look fat\u2019 and then what happened?\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cLast thing the neighbors heard was his wife say, \u2018Does this make me look fat?\u2019\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cHis wife claims he just slipped.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I\u2019d like that last caption even more without the word \u201cjust.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In each of the next five entries, the police officer is beyond oblivious and doesn\u2019t even know he\u2019s investigating a murder:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cDid you get a statement from the victim?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cAny reports on the condition of the victim?\u2019<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cWill he pull through?\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cDo you think he\u2019ll make it?\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>This next caption assumes the victim was not murdered: <strong>\u201cIt\u2019s amazing he survived.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>There were literally hundreds of what I\u2019ll call\u2014in tribute to a song from a Talking Heads soundtrack\u2014\u201cPuzzlin\u2019 Evidence\u201d entries. Here are some of the best:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cLet\u2019s see if we can piece this one together.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cI\u2019m starting to see how the pieces fit.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cHow do you figure this all fits together?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cI think I see a pattern.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cWell, this certainly is a puzzle.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>There were almost as many mannequin entries. Here\u2019s a select sample:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cHere\u2019s hoping this was a mannequin.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cMannequin slaughter.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cThe M.E. report says it was a mannequin.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cWe\u2019ve located his wife in a window at Saks Fifth Avenue.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cWhy he attacks mannequins is the bigger mystery.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>That last caption would be better if the punchline appeared at the end, like this: \u201cThe bigger mystery is why he attacks mannequins.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Anyone familiar with the classic detective game \u201cClue\u201d will appreciate this entry: <strong>\u201cMiss Scarlet, in the parlor, with the chainsaw.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The scattered body parts reminded several of you of one of the most influential artists of the 20th century:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cI\u2019m thinking Picasso.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cPicasso doesn\u2019t do any more outlines.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Here\u2019s a clever reference to an old nursery rhyme, but I\u2019m not sure it makes sense in the context of a modern crime scene: <strong>\u201cI think we can rule out the baker and the candlestick maker.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>These captions all explain how the victim ended up the way he did:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cHis browsing history turned up a page titled \u2018How to Neuter Your Pit Bull.\u2019\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cFell apart when his wife left him.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cLooks like the victim was quartered and drawn.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cLooks like a very bad breakup.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cLeprosy.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The next entry may fall under the \u201ctoo soon\u201d category, as it alludes to the killing of Botham Jean, a black man who was shot in his own apartment by his neighbor, a white, female police officer named Amber Guyger: <strong>\u201cSo she thought it was her own apartment?\u201d<\/strong> I\u2019m including this somewhat disturbing caption because I don\u2019t think it makes light of the tragedy. Instead, it comments (in a way that is both darkly humorous and very serious) on the fact that innocent African-Americans are being gunned down by the police in their own homes.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t want to end on such a depressing note, so here are a few decent puns:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cI\u2019d contact the wife, but he\u2019s separated.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cI hear he was recently separated.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cRest in pieces.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I love the next two entries, which presume that the victim was dismembered not by a psychotic murderer, but by the officers charged with removing the body:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cWe could have just ordered more large body bags.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cAre we out of the large body bags again?\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The punchline in both of those captions is \u201clarge body bags,\u201d so the second entry would be better without the word \u201cagain.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Here are five terrific captions that don\u2019t fit neatly into any category:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cDear God, is that permanent marker?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cTell the chalk guy it was funny the first time.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cWe\u2019re going to need a lot of police tape for this one.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cCan you enter and then break, or does it have to be the other way around?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cHe was taken to Mount Sinai. And St. Francis, North Shore, and Hackensack.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>This contest elicited by far the greatest number of really good entries. Out of the almost 2,000 I received, a record-breaking 54 deserved special recognition, and in many cases the same entry was submitted by more than one person. For instance, two people submitted what I believe was this week\u2019s best entry: <strong>\u201cDid he leave a note?\u201d<\/strong> If Bob agrees with my choice, he\u2019ll have to toss a coin to determine who gets credit for it.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In Pat Byrnes\u2019 crime scene, a detective is looking at the chalk outline of a dismembered body and saying something to a uniformed officer. My first idea was to have the detective state the obvious: \u201cI suspect foul play.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m ruling out suicide.\u201d Then, because the six body parts look like puzzle pieces, I considered&#8230; <br \/><a class=\"more-link button\" style=\"float:right;margin:10px\" href=\"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/crime-scene-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood\/\" rel=\"nofollow\">Continue Reading&#8230;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":3155,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-3154","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-caption-contest-commentary","8":"entry"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>\u201cCrime Scene\u201d Caption Contest Commentary with Lawrence Wood &#8211; The CartoonStock.com Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"\u201cCrime Scene\u201d Caption Contest 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