{"id":3574,"date":"2020-01-15T05:34:37","date_gmt":"2020-01-15T10:34:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/more.cartooncollections.com\/?p=3574"},"modified":"2020-08-19T09:42:42","modified_gmt":"2020-08-19T13:42:42","slug":"group-therapy-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/group-therapy-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cGroup Therapy\u201d Caption Contest Commentary with Lawrence Wood"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-3530\" src=\"\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/KLOSSNERtherapyCC.jpg\" alt=\"Caption Contest - John Klossner\" width=\"350\" height=\"225\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/KLOSSNERtherapyCC.jpg 800w, https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/KLOSSNERtherapyCC-300x193.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/KLOSSNERtherapyCC-768x494.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 350px) 100vw, 350px\" \/>In John Klossner\u2019s cartoon, every patient in a group therapy session is lying on their own couch and staring at the ceiling with their hands on their abdomens. The therapist is speaking.<\/p>\n<p>Because there are so many patients I immediately thought of multiple personality disorders. Instead of making a joke about one patient with dissociative identity disorder, however, I assumed that each patient had his or her own discrete condition:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cYou have multiple personality disorders.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cSorry, I should have been more specific. Each <em>one<\/em> of you has a personality disorder.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I then focused on the couches, which are typically used in private sessions by therapists who subscribe to Freud\u2019s method of psychoanalysis:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cI should have bought ten chairs.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cI\u2019m new to group therapy.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cI assume this is how Freud would have handled group therapy.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Now let\u2019s see how you did:<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s start with this entry, which puts a spin on the question that many therapists ask at the beginning of a session: <strong>\u201cTell me about yourselves.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And here\u2019s a particularly fitting follow-up question: <strong>\u201cNumber six, tell me more about feeling faceless and insignificant.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>There were a lot of variations on the question that Freudian therapists always ask:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cAnd how does that make everyone feel?\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cAnd how does that make you all feel?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cHow do you all feel about that?\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The next entry acknowledges that group therapy sessions are cheaper than the private alternative: <strong>\u201cI sense a hostility to your new HMO.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>These two entries continue the insurance theme, and imply that the therapist might be more interested in those patients whose plans require them to pay more:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cLet\u2019s start with the highest deductible.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cThe ten dollar co-pays today will just listen.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>That second caption would be punchier without the word \u201ctoday.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Two of you noted that group sessions could be even more remunerative for the therapist than one-on-one sessions:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cIt\u2019s your mother\u2019s fault. Okay, bring in the next group.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cLet\u2019s see, $250 times\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If money were no object, most patients would choose private over group therapy sessions, as these two entries acknowledge:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cNow I\u2019d like you all to close your eyes and visualize being in a private session.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cIndividual therapy is available for the narcissists among us.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>There were a lot of Groupon jokes, but these were the best:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cWelcome to Groupon addiction therapy.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cI regret offering the Groupon.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>As expected, there were a number of references to multiple personality disorders, and I especially liked these two:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cSo tell me about your multiple personalities.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cI have multiple patient disorder.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>This next set of entries identify the drawbacks of the group therapy session Klossner has envisioned:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cSo that\u2019s where we left off last week\u2026and now it seems we are out of time for today.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cYour problems will be addressed in the order in which they were received.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cPerhaps speaking one at a time would be helpful.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cSorry, whose mother was distant?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I really like all four of those captions, but the first would be better without the last two words. The punchline is \u201cout of time,\u201d not \u201cfor today,\u201d and the words \u201cfor today\u201d do not add anything to the joke. They just detract from its power.<\/p>\n<p>I love this explanation for why one psychoanalyst is addressing ten patients: <strong>\u201cThe other nine therapists are running late.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I like this entry\u2014<strong>\u201cWhen did you first have this fear of being alone?\u201d<\/strong>\u2014but replacing \u201chave\u201d with \u201cexperience\u201d (while violating the rule that shorter is always funnier) might make it even better.<\/p>\n<p>Several of you had the therapist suggesting or dismissing possible diagnoses:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cMy initial diagnosis is codependency.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cFor starters, I\u2019m ruling out social anxiety.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>As I\u2019ve written many times before, I especially like captions that highlight the obtuseness of the person who\u2019s speaking:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cWelcome to our first session on how to assert your individuality.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cRepeat after me. I am unique and special.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Therapists sometimes try to reassure patients that their problems are not unique, and these next two entries give such assurances a different yet fitting meaning within the context of Klossner\u2019s cartoon:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cDon\u2019t worry, that\u2019s very common.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cYou\u2019re not alone.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>These captions explain why the therapy session is so large:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cMisery loves company.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cThank you for tearing a slip off my flier.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I really like the idea of a therapist publicizing his services the way someone might advertise free guitar lessons.<\/p>\n<p>Many people seek therapy because of problems with their family, as these two entries acknowledge:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cDoes anyone have anything nice to say about their parents?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cFamily gatherings can be very stressful.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Many of you alluded to the problem of maintaining client confidentiality in a group therapy session, but no one did it better than the person who submitted this entry: <strong>\u201cLet\u2019s begin with confidentiality waivers.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the week\u2019s best dirty joke: <strong>\u201cThe first rule of sex addiction therapy is to stay on your own couch.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And while I love this caption\u2014 <strong>\u201cLet\u2019s explore your collective unconscious\u201d<\/strong>\u2014it is only this week\u2019s second-best entry.<\/p>\n<p>The best one made me laugh out loud, and it is, \u201c<strong>\u201cSorry, whose mother was distant?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In John Klossner\u2019s cartoon, every patient in a group therapy session is lying on their own couch and staring at the ceiling with their hands on their abdomens. The therapist is speaking. Because there are so many patients I immediately thought of multiple personality disorders. Instead of making a joke about one patient with dissociative&#8230; <br \/><a class=\"more-link button\" style=\"float:right;margin:10px\" href=\"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/group-therapy-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood\/\" rel=\"nofollow\">Continue Reading&#8230;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":3575,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-3574","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-caption-contest-commentary","8":"entry"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO 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