{"id":3724,"date":"2020-02-26T04:28:31","date_gmt":"2020-02-26T09:28:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/more.cartooncollections.com\/?p=3724"},"modified":"2020-08-19T09:42:42","modified_gmt":"2020-08-19T13:42:42","slug":"cow-patient-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/cow-patient-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;Cow Patient&#8221; Caption Contest Commentary with Lawrence Wood"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-3652\" src=\"\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Cow_CC.jpg\" alt=\"Caption Contest - Teresa Burns Parkhurst\" width=\"350\" height=\"353\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Cow_CC.jpg 800w, https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Cow_CC-297x300.jpg 297w, https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Cow_CC-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Cow_CC-768x775.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Cow_CC-100x100.jpg 100w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 350px) 100vw, 350px\" \/>In Teresa Burns Parkhurst\u2019s cartoon, a doctor is delivering what appears to be bad news to a dairy cow, who\u2019s wearing a hospital gown and sitting on an examining table.<\/p>\n<p>I first considered ironic captions:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cYou\u2019re lactose intolerant.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cSomehow you have a Vitamin D deficiency.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cToo much dairy.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Then I went with a sick joke I\u2019m not really proud of: <strong>\u201cShow me where the dairy farmer touched you.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s a less disturbing joke about the milking process: <strong>\u201cWhat relieves your discomfort?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And here are a couple jokes about bovine spongiform encephalopathy:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cNo, not mad as in angry.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cNo, not angry mad.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>This caption refers to the cow\u2019s spots: <strong>\u201cYour skin\u2019s a little blotchy.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And these two assume the doctor is not qualified to diagnose a cow:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cI\u2019m referring you to a veterinarian.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cAre there no large animal veterinarians in network?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Finally, here\u2019s a caption that has little to do with cows, but seems to fit the drawing: <strong>\u201cI\u2019m afraid you need a longer gown.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Now let\u2019s see how you did.<\/p>\n<p>Many of you went the ironic route:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cYou need to stay away from dairy.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cYou\u2019re calcium deficient.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cYou\u2019re lactose intolerant.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>That last caption is good but perhaps too obvious. Not only did I think of it; about twenty of you submitted the identical entry, and twice that many submitted some longer variation on the same joke.<\/p>\n<p>There were a lot of \u201choof and mouth disease\u201d jokes, but these were the best:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cFirst of all, keep your hoof away from your mouth.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cIt would be best if you not put your hoof in your mouth.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Here\u2019s the best mad cow joke: <strong>\u201cWe caught it early\u2014you have \u2018Somewhat Annoyed Cow Disease.\u2019\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And here are the week\u2019s best puns:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cYou\u2019re having a cow.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cHow are your calves feeling today?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cI\u2019m afraid you\u2019ll have to be put out to pasture.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>A cow has a ruminant digestive system\u2014a stomach with four separate compartments\u2014that helps break down the coarse food the cow eats. Two of you turned this information into strong captions:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cStomachs ache?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cWhich stomach is bothering you?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>These three entries are all better than my joke about the cow\u2019s spots:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cGood news, your spots are benign.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cI don\u2019t think the black spots are anything to be concerned about.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cWhen did you first notice these spots?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I\u2019m grateful to the sick bastard who submitted this entry&#8211;<strong>\u201cCan you show me where Farmer Brown has been touching you?\u201d<\/strong>\u2014as I now feel less ashamed about my very similar and equally tasteless joke.<\/p>\n<p>Many entries played on a euphemism for marijuana, but these were the best:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cYou tested positive for grass.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cYou need to cut back on the grass.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Like that last caption, this entry has the doctor advising the cow to reduce her intake of something unhealthy: <strong>\u201cYou need to cut back on the salt lick.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>As I did, two of you noticed that the hospital gown left the patient exposed:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cThey need to make those gowns longer.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cYou\u2019re right, the gown is not really designed for cows.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Even though the cow is not wearing a bell around its neck, I love this entry: <strong>\u201cWe\u2019ve found the source of that constant ringing.\u201d<\/strong> And who knows? Maybe the cow removed the bell for the examination.<\/p>\n<p>Like I did, one of you assumed the doctor might not be the right kind of medical professional: <strong>\u201cI\u2019ve got some bad news. I\u2019m not a vet.\u201d<\/strong> Another one of you assumed he was not a doctor at all: <strong>\u201cThe good news is everything checks out fine. The bad news is I\u2019m a butcher.\u201d <\/strong>I like the way that entry highlights the similarities between a doctor\u2019s lab coat and a butcher\u2019s smock, but a butcher would not be wearing a stethoscope around his neck.<\/p>\n<p>These last three captions don\u2019t fit neatly into any category, but they\u2019re all good:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cWhen the nurse comes in with coffee, we\u2019d like to get a sample.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cWe\u2019ve been giving you the wrong hormones, Sir.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cBut\u2026there\u2019s <em>supposed<\/em> to be a milky discharge.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>As I\u2019ve already noted, I really like this caption: <strong>\u201cWe\u2019ve found the source of that constant ringing.\u201d<\/strong> I cannot, however, declare it this week\u2019s winner because it doesn\u2019t account for the cow\u2019s expression, which makes it look like she\u2019s just received some bad news. I\u2019m therefore going with, <strong>\u201cYou need to cut back on the salt lick.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In Teresa Burns Parkhurst\u2019s cartoon, a doctor is delivering what appears to be bad news to a dairy cow, who\u2019s wearing a hospital gown and sitting on an examining table. I first considered ironic captions: \u201cYou\u2019re lactose intolerant.\u201d \u201cSomehow you have a Vitamin D deficiency.\u201d \u201cToo much dairy.\u201d Then I went with a sick joke&#8230; <br \/><a class=\"more-link button\" style=\"float:right;margin:10px\" href=\"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/cow-patient-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood\/\" rel=\"nofollow\">Continue Reading&#8230;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":3725,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-3724","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-caption-contest-commentary","8":"entry"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>&quot;Cow Patient&quot; 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