{"id":4117,"date":"2020-05-13T05:40:48","date_gmt":"2020-05-13T09:40:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/more.cartooncollections.com\/?p=4117"},"modified":"2020-05-12T13:41:02","modified_gmt":"2020-05-12T17:41:02","slug":"unicorn-meeting-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/unicorn-meeting-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood\/","title":{"rendered":"“Unicorn Meeting” Caption Contest Commentary with Lawrence Wood"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"John Klossner\u2019s cartoon is set in\u00a0a conference room. Three unicorns in business suits are meeting with a man. One of these mythological creatures is holding a document (maybe a report or a resume) and addressing the man.<\/p>\n

I first imagined they were discussing sales figures and projections:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \u201cAre these numbers real?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
  2. \u201cIf we don\u2019t improve sales, this company will cease to exist.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    I then thought the unicorns were interviewing a prospective employee and reviewing his resume:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. \u201cIt says here you know Excel. You expect us to believe that?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
    2. \u201cDo you have any experience riding rainbows?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Then I imagined the unicorn extending a job offer: \u201cYou can be the token Jew.\u201d<\/strong> Even though this caption notes that the job applicant would be a diversity hire, it doesn\u2019t really work because it fails to address the fact that everyone on the hiring committee is a unicorn.<\/p>\n

      I then alluded to the legend that only a virgin can capture and tame a unicorn:<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. \u201cReally? You don\u2019t look like a virgin\u2026.Actually, you do.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
      2. \u201cWe never imagined the virgin who captured and tamed us would be a 40-year-old man.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        Finally, I relied on the easiest explanation for a bizarre scenario (it\u2019s just a dream!) but added a twist by noting that unicorns typically appeal to young girls: \u201cYes, you are dreaming, but why about unicorns? What are you? An 8-year-old girl?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

        Now let\u2019s see how you did.<\/p>\n

        Many of you assumed the unicorns were conducting a job interview:<\/p>\n

          \n
        1. \u201cWe just think a pre-teen girl would better appreciate what we\u2019re trying to accomplish here.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
        2. \u201cSo, tell us what sets you apart?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
        3. \u201cYour resume is unbelievable.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
        4. \u201cBut do you fart glitter rainbows?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          Yes, I know that last caption is juvenile and crass, but it made me laugh, as did this entry: \u201cThese projections don\u2019t make sparkles shoot out my ass.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

          Here are some less vulgar alternatives to captions about negative business forecasts (and how to improve them):<\/p>\n

            \n
          1. \u201cBrand recognition is way down. It\u2019s almost like we don\u2019t exist.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
          2. \u201cThe Board has learned that our key demographic is not middle-aged men.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
          3. \u201cWe need you to think like a little girl.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
          4. \u201cAt least we\u2019re still trending with the pre-ten female demographic.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n
          5. \u201cMagical thinking made this company, and magical thinking will save it.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            These entries allude to the fact that unicorns are mythological creatures:<\/p>\n

              \n
            1. \u201cDo you expect us to believe this?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
            2. \u201cIt\u2019s like you\u2019re making this stuff up!\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
            3. \u201cAre these numbers real?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
            4. \u201cI didn\u2019t think numbers like this existed.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
            5. \u201cYeah, well, your job doesn\u2019t exist, either.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

              Even in myths, unicorns are most uncommon: \u201cEmployees like you are extremely rare.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

              Many of you highlighted the fact that the man does not have a horn:\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

                \n
              1. \u201cI don\u2019t see your point.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
              2. \u201cYou\u2019re missing the point.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
              3. \u201cWe\u2019re giving you six months to grow one.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
              4. \u201cYou\u2019ll need to grow one.\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n
              5. \u201cUnfortunately, we don\u2019t feel you\u2019re the right man to spearhead this campaign.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                Here\u2019s a decent twist on the old joke about a horse who walks into a bar and is greeted by the bartender with a question: \u201cWhy the short face?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

                One of you assumed the man is in charge\u2014an assumption supported by the fact that he\u2019s seated at the head of the conference table\u2014and that the unicorns are negotiating with him for better working conditions: \u201cWe demand higher ceilings.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

                \u201cIt\u2019s all a dream\u201d is a lazy explanation for any bizarre scenario\u2014that didn\u2019t, of course, stop me from using it for this contest\u2014but so are drugs: \u201cWe put LSD in your coffee.\u201d<\/strong> Still, I like that caption.<\/p>\n

                I love this entry because it took me completely by surprise by positing that the unicorns are not corporate employees but private detectives: \u201cYour wife and the other man will never know we\u2019re following them.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

                As always, I\u2019ll end with a few strong captions that don\u2019t fit neatly into any category:<\/p>\n

                  \n
                1. \u201cAs long as it doesn\u2019t happen again, we\u2019re going to overlook the ring toss incident.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
                2. \u201cI\u2019ll keep this brief since some of us have to be at a kid\u2019s birthday party later.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
                3. \u201cHave you had some work done?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                  This week\u2019s winner is the fitting and beautifully concise, \u201cYou\u2019re missing the point.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

                   <\/p>\n

                   <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                  John Klossner\u2019s cartoon is set in\u00a0a conference room. Three unicorns in business suits are meeting with a man. One of these mythological creatures is holding a document (maybe a report or a resume) and addressing the man. I first imagined they were discussing sales figures and projections: \u201cAre these numbers real?\u201d \u201cIf we don\u2019t improve…
                  Continue Reading…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":4119,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-4117","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-caption-contest-commentary","8":"entry"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n"Unicorn Meeting" Caption Contest Commentary with Lawrence Wood – The CartoonStock.com Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\""Unicorn Meeting" Caption Contest Commentary with Lawrence Wood – CartoonStock.com\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, 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