.)\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nLila\u2019s drawing is set in a mattress store, where a young, out-of-shape, and insolent man\u2014the kind I hope none of my three daughters ever dates\u2014is sampling the merchandise. He\u2019s made himself comfortable on one of the beds by stripping down to his boxer shorts and undershirt, and he\u2019s surrounded by unhealthy food (sugary cereal, a large soda, a hamburger from a take-out joint) and a pornographic magazine called <\/span>PLAYGUY<\/span><\/i>. He\u2019s reclining and typing on his laptop, and at his feet is a German Shepherd, presumably his, on a leash. He\u2019s addressing a salesman, who looks understandably annoyed.<\/span><\/p>\nLila\u2019s original caption suggests that the man is just a cautious consumer: \u201c<\/span>How else did you expect me to make a decision?<\/span><\/i>\u201d<\/span><\/p>\nSeveral of you went after the same joke:\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cI\u2019d like to try the first one again.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cThree down, nineteen to go.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cI avoid impulse buys.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
A related entry has the young man suggesting that the salesman has only himself to blame for the situation: <\/span>\u201cYou said try it out.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nHere are some fine examples of transforming an ordinary statement into a fitting caption:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cYou\u2019re not my dad!\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cI\u2019m just browsing.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cJust browsing.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
The last two entries are nearly identical but the shorter one, which is more in line with the young man\u2019s casual attitude, is better. Remember, if a word does not have to be in your caption, delete it.<\/span><\/p>\nThe following entries all address the laptop:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cThe more you bug me the worse this Yelp review gets.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cYou mind? I\u2019m trying to run a startup here.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cHang on. I\u2019m ordering a blanket online.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cWhat\u2019s the wifi password?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cI decided to just buy one online.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
The fifth entry is far and away the best of that bunch.<\/span><\/p>\nA couple of you focused on the pornography by making masturbation jokes:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cI wouldn\u2019t touch that sock if I were you.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cThere\u2019s one more thing I need to try, but you\u2019ll want to look away.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
With the exception of Joel Mishon, all of us preferred the second joke, which, compared to the first, is kind of subtle.<\/span><\/p>\nThere\u2019s nothing subtle about this next entry, but it made us all laugh: <\/span>\u201c<\/b>Be glad you don\u2019t sell toilets.<\/i><\/b>\u201d<\/b> Substituting the word \u201cgrateful\u201d for \u201cglad\u201d would make the joke even stronger.<\/span><\/p>\nMattresses come with a tag that reads \u201cDo Not Remove Under Penalty of Law.\u201d This prohibition is directed at sellers, not consumers, but when I was growing up in the \u201870s it was the subject of many jokes: in an episode of <\/span>WKRP in Cincinnati<\/span><\/i>, Mr. Carlson says, \u201cYou know those mattress tags that say, \u2018Do not remove under penalty of law?\u2019 I get nervous just having those around the house;\u201d the cover of <\/span>National Lampoon<\/span><\/i>\u2019s crime issue showed a pair of gloved hands tearing the tag off the mattress; and in <\/span>MAD<\/span><\/i>\u2019s parody of <\/span>Apocalypse Now<\/span><\/i>, the insane Colonel Kurtz (played by Marlon Brando) chops off the head of a Vietnamese villager for removing a mattress tag. One of you remembered those jokes and submitted: <\/span>\u201cIt\u2019s not like I removed the tag.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nLike the \u201cmattress tag\u201d joke, this next entry has the young man defending, or at least trying to minimize, his bad behavior: <\/span>\u201cI took my shoes off.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nThe following entry, a fine example of the \u201coblivious speaker\u201d caption, suggests that the salesman is not the first person to be annoyed by the customer\u2019s behavior: <\/span>\u201cFunny. My girlfriend said the same thing.\u201d<\/i><\/b> I love the way that invites the reader to complete the joke by imagining the girlfriend and the salesman both yelling, \u201cGet out!\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nThis next set of entries make the customer\u2019s behavior even more outrageous by having him accuse the salesman of doing something wrong:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cYou keep asking me that. What could I possibly need your help with?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cYou\u2019re making me uncomfortable.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cNot even a \u2018Good Morning?\u2019\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cCan\u2019t you knock?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
That last joke is funny, but it doesn\u2019t really make sense, as it implies that the customer really thinks he\u2019s in his own bedroom and expects the salesman to knock before entering the store. As Bob noted during the judging process, \u201cIt\u2019s too much of a stretch.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\nThis last entry has the customer issuing a very inappropriate demand, one that made Bob laugh out loud: <\/span>\u201cSpoon me.\u201d<\/i><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nCongratulations to JAMES FLYNN, who submitted the winning entry: <\/span>\u201cFunny. My girlfriend said the same thing.\u201d<\/i><\/b> The runners-up are:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cThere\u2019s one more thing I need to try, but you\u2019ll want to look away.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cBe glad you don\u2019t sell toilets.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cI decided to just buy one online.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cIt\u2019s not like I removed the tag.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cJust browsing.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Watch the Judging Process<\/h3>\n
If you who want to see how we made our selections, we recorded the process and it’s posted below<\/p>\n
![\"CartoonStock](\"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/smaMattressStore-copy-300x268.jpg\")
<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/CC902623_Sharing-290x300.jpg\")
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