Sarah Morrissette<\/a>, who lives in Vienna. Her cartoon, which is set on the outside deck of what looks to be a very nice vacation home or rental, is a twist on the Goldilocks story. A fully-dressed blond girl is relaxing in a hot tub while the sun is setting, and three bears are standing by the tub and looking at her. The two adult bears look angry, the child bear looks sweet and welcoming, and Goldilocks looks somewhat annoyed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nSarah\u2019s original caption alluded to the way that Goldilocks would indicate that she had found something to her satisfaction: <\/span>\u201cA few degrees\u00a0hotter and this would be just right.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\nSeveral of you took the same approach:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cA margarita would make this juuust right.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cIt would be just right with a drink in my hand.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cFor $500 a night, everything had better be just right.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cUntil you showed up, it was just right.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cBut I finally sat on a nozzle that\u2019s just right.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
That last caption doubles as the month\u2019s best sex joke. Here\u2019s an entry that\u2019s not sexual but is crass: <\/span>\u201cI should warn you. I also mark my territory.\u201d<\/i><\/b> And here\u2019s the month\u2019s best dark joke: <\/span>\u201cWhy would you salt a hot tub?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nTwo of you noted that Goldilocks is technically a criminal:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cBreaking and entering takes a toll on the joints.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cNothing like a little R&R after a B&E.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
This next entry comments on the unfortunate fact that crimes are often taken more seriously when the victim is Caucasian: <\/span>\u201cGo ahead. Eat the white girl from the suburbs. See what happens.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nThe following captions note that this home\u2014with the hot tub and beautiful deck\u2014is significantly nicer than the one where Goldilocks first encountered the three bears:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cYou can afford a hot tub yet you\u2019re still eating porridge?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me you had a vacation home?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cI see fame was kind to three of us.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
The next two captions address the gorgeous outdoor setting:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cYou know what would be just right? You not blocking my view.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cYou\u2019re blocking my view.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
The following entry notes that the items Goldilocks tested in the original story were bowls of porridge, chairs, and beds: <\/span>\u201cI\u2019m only qualified to comment on food and furniture.\u201d<\/i><\/b> (It would work better if the word \u201conly\u201d appeared after the word \u201ccomment\u201d and not before the word \u201cqualified.\u201d)<\/span><\/p>\nThese captions all note that Goldilocks usually tests three of each item:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cShouldn\u2019t there technically be three hot tubs?\u201d\u00a0<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cWhy do you only have one hot tub?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cJust one hot tub?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
The next two entries suggest that Goldilocks needed to relax in a hot tub because her prior experience with the bears was so stressful:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cWell, my last visit didn\u2019t exactly end on a relaxing note.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cI\u2019m processing my trauma.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
These captions all refer to Goldilocks\u2019s status as an appraiser:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cIt\u2019s a little warm, but who am I to judge?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cI\u2019m telling you, it\u2019s too hot.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cThis one\u2019s too wet.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cToo wet.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Let\u2019s compare those last two entries, which make the same joke. Usually, shorter is better, but in this case I prefer the slightly longer version because it mimics the language of the original story (This one\u2019s too hot, cold, hard, soft, etc.).<\/span><\/p>\nHere are three captions that explain why fur-covered animals should never use hot tubs:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cYou should thank me for cleaning the hair out of the drain.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cWell, that explains the clogged filter.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cIt\u2019s not my hair that clogs the filter.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
This next entry notes that fathers are usually trying to reduce their families\u2019 heating bills: <\/span>\u201cI\u2019m guessing that Papa Bear controls the thermostat.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nAnd this caption has Goldilocks referring to another fairytale character: <\/span>\u201cRapunzel isn\u2019t the only one letting down her hair.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nThough I don\u2019t usually do this, I\u2019m ending my commentary with a truly awful caption\u2014<\/span>\u201cNo, I asked for three beers.\u201d<\/i><\/b>\u2014because I want to publicly shame my fellow judge, Joel Mishon, for including that among his top ten entries. What was Joel thinking? Not only is that caption an example of the easiest and worst kind of joke\u2014one which suggests that someone misheard the character who\u2019s speaking\u2014it makes absolutely no sense. Why would Goldilocks have asked for <\/span>three <\/span><\/i>beers?<\/span><\/p>\nAnother one of my fellow judges, Trevor Hoey, thinks we should start highlighting the worst entry every month, but I don\u2019t want to go down that path, and I suggest that we institute a new policy based on James Brown\u2019s practice of fining musicians in his band who made mistakes. Every time Joel includes something really bad in his top ten captions, he should have to pay every other judge ten pounds. (Joel is English).<\/span><\/p>\nCongratulations to JESSICA MISENER, of Ann Arbor, Michigan, who submitted this month\u2019s winning caption: <\/span>\u201cIt’s a little warm, but who am I to judge?\u201d<\/i><\/b> Jessica\u2019s on a roll, as last week she became a finalist in <\/span>The New Yorker<\/span><\/i> Cartoon Caption Contest that featured this drawing by Lonnie Milsap:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/LonnieScreenshot-2024-09-23-at-5.44.31\u202fAM-300x300.jpg\")
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\u201cCareful. He has pre\u00ebxisting superstitions.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
Jessica Misener, Ann Arbor, Mich.<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cWe’re not supposed to eat the damn apple!<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
You’re supposed to eat the damn apple!\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
David Long, Ventura, Calif.<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cStay back, Fred\u2014this is how they got Snow White!\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
Ron Nye, Victoria, B.C.<\/span><\/p>\nI have nothing to do with selecting the winner of the NYer contest, but I\u2019m willing to bet that Jessica will emerge victorious. Her entry is by far the best.<\/span><\/p>\nWe have never before selected as the winning caption an entry from someone who that same week had become a finalist in the magazine\u2019s competition. It\u2019s quite an accomplishment.<\/span><\/p>\nThe five runners-up for our contest are:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cWell, my last visit didn\u2019t exactly end on a relaxing note.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cYou can afford a hot tub yet you’re still eating porridge?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cWhy didn’t you tell me you had a vacation home?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cWhy would you salt a hot tub?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cThis one\u2019s too wet.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Watch the Judging Process<\/h3>\n
If you want to see how we made our selections, we recorded the process with Sarah and its posted below<\/p>\n
![\"CartoonStock](\"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/sarahsmall-300x199.jpg\")
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