Julia Suits<\/a> submitted the drawing for this month\u2019s contest, which features a police officer who\u2019s ordered a dog in a convertible to pull over to the side of the road. Sitting next to the dog is a cat, and in the backseat is a second dog. The police officer is writing a ticket and saying something to the dog behind the steering wheel.<\/span><\/p>\nSuits was not able to join our videotaped judging session, but she did send us the entries she liked best. Her favorite was, <\/span>\u201cLate for a poker game is not an excuse.\u201d<\/i><\/b> She called it \u201csnappy and smart\u201d and loved the reference to Cassius Marcellus Coolidge\u2019s famously bad oil painting of dogs playing poker, which has, according to one art critic, been \u201cindelibly burned into\u2026the American collective-schlock subconscious.\u201d Suits also appreciated the way this entry addressed every animal in the car, and not just the driver. But here\u2019s the problem: there\u2019s a cat in the car, and there were no cats in Coolidge\u2019s painting.<\/span><\/p>\nSuits also liked, <\/span>\u201cI\u2019m going to need you to W-A-L-K a straight line.\u201d<\/i><\/b> At the risk of annoying both Suits and whoever submitted that entry, I don\u2019t think it works. I get the joke, which reconciles two disparate frames of reference\u2014drunk drivers, and dog-owners who spell out words that might get their pets over-excited\u2014but the policeman in the cartoon would have no reason to spell out the word \u201cwalk.\u201d That\u2019s also the problem with this caption: <\/span>\u201cPlease put the car in P-A-R-K.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nSpeaking of drunk drivers, we received a lot of DUI jokes that referred to a particularly disgusting canine habit:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cBeen drinking from the toilet this evening, sir?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cHave you been drinking from the toilet?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
The other DUI jokes involved breathalyzer tests:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cCan I not smell your breath, please?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cI think we\u2019ll skip the breath test.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Here’s another entry (there were many) that addresses the way dog-owners talk to their pets: <\/span>\u201cI\u2019m gonna let you off with a gentle scolding in baby talk.\u201d<\/i><\/b> I like that caption but not nearly as much as Suits did, in part because I could do without colloquialisms like \u201cgonna.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nThis next entry, a punny reference to the star of \u201cSex, Lies and Videotape\u201d and the underrated \u201cBad Influence,\u201d made Suits laugh out loud: <\/span>\u201cJames Spayed? Your name is James Spayed?\u201d<\/i><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nBoth Suits and I liked, <\/span>\u201cHey, don\u2019t get cute with me.\u201d<\/i><\/b> It\u2019s a punchier version of another good caption: <\/span>\u201cYour blatant disregard for the law was adorable.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nSuits also liked this reference to a common canine activity: <\/span>\u201cI\u2019ll let you go this time, but you have to stop chasing cars.\u201d<\/i><\/b> That\u2019s similar and superior to, <\/span>\u201cWhat was your plan if you had caught that other car?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nThe last caption Suits highlighted was a clever variation on the many \u201cbad dog\u201d jokes we received and yet another reference to the way some dog-owners talk to their pets: <\/span>\u201cWho\u2019s a bad driver? You\u2019re a bad driver.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nAs many of you know, I hate puns, but this month we received two that were great:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cTurning tricks at rest stops doesn\u2019t make you service animals.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cYou left the scene of an accident.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
That first caption doubles as the month\u2019s best and most disturbing sex joke. I love not just the way it plays on the double-meaning of the word \u201cservice\u201d\u2014clever and depraved\u2014but the way it uses \u201crest stops\u201d to connect the caption to driving. Coming across an entry like that makes me very happy.<\/span><\/p>\nThis pun is just OK: <\/span>\u201cDon\u2019t worry, it\u2019s the car that\u2019s being impounded.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nMy fellow judges appreciated the word play in this entry\u2014<\/span>\u201cIt means you have to come to a complete stay.\u201d<\/i><\/b>\u2014but I did not.<\/span><\/p>\nLike the entries that alluded to dogs who drink water out of toilet bowls, this caption addresses another strange canine habit: <\/span>\u201cI caught you driving too close to the rear ends of other cars.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nHere\u2019s the best of the many jokes we received about dogs being color-blind: <\/span>\u201cNo, the light was not gray.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nAnd while I\u2019m on the subject of common jokes, here are the best examples of the many captions that relied on the fact that both drivers and dogs have licenses, registration forms, and tags:\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cYour other license and registration.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cNo, I mean your driver\u2019s license.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
This next caption sounds good\u2014<\/span>\u201cYou can pee on them, but you can\u2019t park in front of them.\u201d<\/i><\/b>\u2014but it doesn\u2019t actually make sense because parking in a prohibited space is not a moving violation.<\/span><\/p>\nThe next two captions refer to the sudden bursts of frenetic energy that make dogs and cats run wild:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cLooks like someone\u2019s got the zoomies.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cYes, I know what zoomies are.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Unlike the police officer in the cartoon I had no idea what zoomies were, so I initially didn\u2019t understand those captions.<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cThe dog ate my homework\u201d is a common excuse that lazy schoolchildren offer to explain missing assignments, and it\u2019s based, as is the next caption, on the idea that dogs eat anything: <\/span>\u201cYou ate your license?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nThis next entry refers to the fact that dogs can be easily trained: <\/span>\u201cYou know another good trick? Learning to use the turn signal.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nThey also love treats\u2014<\/span>\u201cTo ease the pain, I\u2019ll wrap the ticket in cheddar cheese.\u201d<\/i><\/b>\u2014and chasing squirrels:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cSo tell me again about this so-called squirrel.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cI don\u2019t care how fast the squirrel was going.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
This entry is both funny and sad: <\/span>\u201cI hate this job. Even my own dog isn\u2019t happy to see me.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nAnd this one came out of left field and delighted all of us judges: <\/span>\u201cKnow anything about a break-in at the tennis ball factory?\u201d<\/i><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nCongratulations to frequent finalist KATHY WROBEL, who submitted the winning caption: <\/span>\u201cYou left the scene of an accident.\u201d<\/i><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nThe five runners-up are:<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n- \u201cTurning tricks at rest stops doesn\u2019t make you service animals.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cYou know another good trick? Learning to use the turn signal.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cKnow anything about a break-in at the tennis ball factory?\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cWho\u2019s a bad driver? You\u2019re a bad driver.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n
- \u201cHey, don\u2019t get cute with me.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
The <\/span>\u201cWho\u2019s a bad driver? You\u2019re a bad driver.\u201d <\/i><\/b>runner-up was submitted by <\/span>New Yorker<\/span><\/i> cartoonist Bob Eckstein. He\u2019s not the only <\/span>New Yorker<\/span><\/i> cartoonist who\u2019s entered our contest, but he\u2019s the first to win some money.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nWatch the Judging Process<\/h3>\n
If you want to see how we made our selections, we recorded the process, you can find it below<\/p>\n
![\"CartoonStock](\"https:\/\/www.cartoonstock.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/juliasmall.jpg\")
<\/p>\n