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"That's our Mr. Ebersole."
"I see you've noticed my trophies!"
"I'll flip you to see whose name is listed first if we should ever win a Nobel Prize."
Soldier, Statesman, Travel Agent
"I don't know much about show business, but my uncle was featured on the golden globes buffet table."
"Never mind it was voted 'Car of the Year' by car thieves."
"You're different from anyone else I've ever met. You're like a breath of air freshener."
'I can't tell TIME magazine what to do -- it's not my fault they made Lady Godiva 'Woman of the Year.''
Why can't you ever achieve anything like your brother?
'And this one I got for properly polishing my medals' (decorated general)
"You can show in the awards panel - I'm ready to be lionised."