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'I warned him. 'Don't text and drive' ... He wouldn't listen.'
"You can replace the tank, switch to natural gas, or huddle in a corner and cry as you ask yourself why you ever thought buying a house was a good idea."
Tags:new house, new houses, property, workman, workmen, plumber, plumbers, plumbing, electric, electrics, electrician, electricians, option, options, expense, expensive, expenses, replacement, replacements, advice, advising, consult, consultation, consultations, improvement, improvements, work, work done, cry, crying
"Don't make waves."
'As your financial adviser, I see nothing wrong with putting all of your eggs in one basket.'
Tags:easter, easter bunny, easter bunnies, bunny, bunnies, rabbit, rabbits, egg, eggs, easter egg, easter eggs, basket, baskets, finance, finances, advice, advise, advises, advising, advisor, advisors, adviser, advisers, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
"I'll tell you how I got here - hours and hours of hard visualization."
Tags:boss, bosses, leader, leaders, advice, advising, adviser, visualise, visualize, visualizing, visualising, goal, goals, cliche, cliches, psychology, psychological, success, secret to success, self help, self-help, useless, useless, trick, tricks, hard work, hard working, psychologist, psychologist, life coach, life coaching, life-coach, life-coaching, unhelpful, visualize your goals, business, businessman, businesses, ceo, chief executive officer, chief executive officers, c.e.o., success, successful
"I said does he or doesn't he have a cleft in his chin?"
Tags:cleft chin, butt chin, pyramid, pyramids, ancient, sculpture, sculptures, statue, statues, scaffolding, construction, art, artist, artists, imperfection, imperfections, body parts, face, faces, chin, chins, temple, temples, history, historic, historical, historian, historians, direction, advising, commentary
"If you pause for just a beat before 'and the home of the brave,' it helps to sell the bit."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, seal, seals, circus, circuses, trick, tricks, horn, horns, playing, music, musical instrument, musical instruments, national anthem, national anthems, united states, us, u.s., united states of america, usa, u.s.a., america, american, advice, advising, performer, performers, performing
The Sphinx Speaks
Tags:riddle, riddles, puzzle, puzzles, puzzling, puzzled, mystery, mysteries, mysterious, mysteriously, art, arts, ancient, ancient history, historical, myth, myths, mythical, mythic, mythical creatures, mythical creature, mystic, mystical, mystical creatures, mysticism, ancient egypt, egypt, egyptian, egyptology, pithy, pithiness, pithy statements, modern, modern life, modern living, real estate, real-estate, realtor, realtors, advice, advise, advising, decipher, deciphers, implication, implications, cryptic, cryptic advice, pun, puns, word play, play on words, word-play
"This is for anyone on the panel- how can I be up there instead of down here?"
Tags:question, questions, audience, audiences, member of the audience, panel, panels, lecture, lectures, lecturing, debate, debates, question and answer, q&a, unusual, panel debate, aspiring, advice, advising, advise, adviser, promote, good question, bad question, good questions, bad questions, smart, witty, wit, wits, education, educate, learn, learning, learns, learned
Al's punditry barn
"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."
Tags:education, school, schools, schooling, teaching, learning, teacher, teachers, student, students, teacher life, punctuation, grammar, correcting, correction, corrections, life lesson, life lessons, kids, kid, child, children, elementary school, primary school, junior high school, middle school, high school, secondary school, youth, teen, teens, teenager, marking, grading, homework, assignment, assignments, paper, papers, essay, essays, report, reports, project, projects, future, advice, advising
"Even more dangerous than crossing the road is being undercooked."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, chicken, chickens, hen, hens, rooster, roosters, chick, chicks, road, roads, farm, farms, farmer, farmers, poultry, why did the chicken cross the road, joke, jokes, undercooked, under cooked, pink, danger, dangerous, risky, salmonella, campylobacter, hygiene, bacteria, death, deadly, food poisoning, food borne illness, foodborne illness, advice, advising, life lesson, life lessons, medical, medicine, health inspector, health inspectors, health inspection, food safety, health, unhealthy
"Timothy, success is nothing to fear."
Tags:success, successful, coach, coaches, life coach, life coaches, ambition, ambitions, lofty ambitions, goal, goals, goal-oriented, pressure, pressures, pressuring, parent, parents, parenting, parental, nag, nags, toddler, toddlers, kindergarten, expectation, expectations, high expectations, demand, demands, demanding, advice, advisor, advisors, advising, adviser, advisers, tip, tips
"It's going to be a long trial. Wear a diaper."
"Face it - there is no good time to get married, have children, and move to Jersey."
Tags:have children, children, kids, married, marriage, kid, marries, life, decision, decisions, time, timing, timed, life planning, planned, jersey, new jersey, jersey city, life advice, advice, advise, advising, adviser, relationship, relationships, marry, have kids, move house, moving house, middle age, middle-age, average life, typical, no good time
'Thank you for your unsolicited parenting advice! In return, I'd like to tell you about a method I know for removing those unsightly age spots.'
"You next fattened child could be your last."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's offices, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, unhealthy, witch, witches, myth, myths, legend, legends, child, children, kid, kids, eating, eating habits, dietary habits, medical advice, advising, fitness, fairytale, fairytales, fairy tale, fairy tales, children's story, children's stories, story, stories, literature, children's literature, hansel and gretel
'The best advice I can give, to a young teacher, is to realize that students will probably forget most of what you say but not how it made them feel.'
"Sometimes it helps to drink a lot."
Tags:therapy, therapist, therapists, therapy session, therapy sessions, counselling session, counselling sessions, counsellor, counsellors, drink, drinks, drinking, drunk, drank, alcohol, bad advice, advice, advising, help, helps, helping, helped, unhelpful, alcoholic, alcoholics, alcoholism, mental health, mental health issues, mental health issue
"Never delegate authority; delegate liability."
Tags:delegate, delegation, delegating, advice, advising, advise, fatherly advice, parental advice, dad, dads, father, fathers, parent, parents, grandfather, grandfathers, child, children, authority, liability, good advice, management advice, business advice, manager, managers, management, family, families, wise words, wisdom
"I'm glad you checked with me, but yes, I think it's safe for you to do the 'Hokey-Pokey.'"
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's offices, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, medical advice, advising, participation dance, participation dances, song, songs, british folk dances, dance, dances, dancing, folk song, folk songs, folk dance, folk dances, folk dancing, folk music, music
"Sometimes it's important to stop dwelling on your failures and concentrate on your ability to leap over buildings at a single bound."
"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."
Tags:old man on the mountain, wise man on the mountain, wise man, wise men, old man, old men, wisemen, wiseman, sage, sages, wise, guru, gurus, smoking, smoker, smokers, tobacco, bad habit, bad habits, unhealthy, fitness, health, climber, climbers, climbing, hiker, hikers, hiking, mountain, mountains, advice, advising, size, fit, style
'Your cholesterol is high. Lay off the sea food.'
'Straight eye for the queer guy.'