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Litigator's Heaven: 'Would you look at this? No handrails! Man, someone is just asking for a big, fat lawsuit. And don't get me started on the heating system.'
'He's going to a better place . . . possibly to power an '86 jetta.'
'When did you die. . . '60s?'
"Damn, looks like that snotty kid of Ben and Edna's is coming up the tunnel of light."
Tags:heaven, heaven’s gate, afterlife, afterlives, after-life, after-lives, gates of heaven, death, dead, dying, child, children, family, families, family conflict, family conflicts, black sheep, black sheep of the family, brat, brats, bratty children, relatives, relative, snotty kid, snotty kids, snotty children, snotty child, there goes the neighborhood, cloud city, tunnel of light, tunnel of lights, white light, disappointment, disappointing
'You think this is hot. Try having hot flashes, too.'
Heaven - with Children
"How could you forget to bring your receipts?"
'Yes, I sold my soul...but what could I do? They held all the papers!'
'Ok, I've gotta ask..do you actually like this job?'
Tags:charon, ferryman, ferrymen, living, livings, career, careers, styx, acheron, greek mythology, greek mythologies, underworld, hades, afterlife, afterlives, after-life, after-lives, job, jobs, bad joke, bad jokes, pun, puns, inappropriate, joke, jokes, humour, humor, grim reaper, grims, non sequitur
"Sorry, Bernie. We found out about your rejuvenating jelly."
'Well...let's just say that, on a very local level, you were right.'
"Imagine! In the past year alone, Thomas Jefferson has learned to speak Swahili and play the glockenspiel."
Tags:death, deaths, after life, after-life, after lives, after-lives, heaven, heavens, angel, angels, media, medias, magazine, zine, magazine, zines, educate, educational, learn, learning, learned, learnt, celebrity, celebrities, thomas jefferson, jefferson, worship, praise, impressive, impressed, founding father, founding fathers, president, presidents, swahili, glockenspiel, declaration of independence
'I was told that I'd be in a better place now. . . I don't think so.'
'Ok, give me your username & password one more time.'
'It's all her on your facebook page.'
'Whenever I complained that my feet were killing me, nobody believed me.'
"The wings are fantastic, but the thong is a little uncomfortable."
"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."
"No, no, that's not a sin, either. My goodness, you must have worried yourself to death."
'When I type in your name plus sin, sir, there are over twenty million results.'
"No! Bless you!"
'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'
'It may already be too late.'
'I used to provide capital for business startups. Here's my card. I'm an angel investor.'
'The only way anyone gets in is on there knees.'