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Litigator's Heaven: 'Would you look at this? No handrails! Man, someone is just asking for a big, fat lawsuit. And don't get me started on the heating system.'
'He's going to a better place . . . possibly to power an '86 jetta.'
'When did you die. . . '60s?'
"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."
Tags:heaven, gates of heaven, pearly gates, pearl gates, the pearly gates, st peter, st. peter, saint peter, sins, judgement, judgements, judgement days, dying, afterlife, the afterlife, after life, the after life, blasphemy, blasphemer, blasphemers, blaspheme, blaspheming, let off, let-off, lucky escape, lucky escapes
"How could you forget to bring your receipts?"
'Well...let's just say that, on a very local level, you were right.'
'Yes, I sold my soul...but what could I do? They held all the papers!'
"Imagine! In the past year alone, Thomas Jefferson has learned to speak Swahili and play the glockenspiel."
Tags:death, deaths, after life, after-life, after lives, after-lives, heaven, heavens, angel, angels, media, medias, magazine, zine, magazine, zines, educate, educational, learn, learning, learned, learnt, celebrity, celebrities, thomas jefferson, jefferson, worship, praise, impressive, impressed, founding father, founding fathers, president, presidents, swahili, glockenspiel, declaration of independence
The Jitney 'Cross The Styx
Tags:taxi, taxis, share taxis, cab, cabs, jitney, share, share bus, bus, buses, public, public transport, transport, mythology, myth, myths, mythological, god, gods, greek, greek mythology, underworld, under world, afterlife, after life, hell, styx, river styx, traffic, crowded, crowds, tourist, tourists, journey, journeys, car, cars
"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."
'When I type in your name plus sin, sir, there are over twenty million results.'
"I always said I'd sleep when I'm dead, and yet here I am doing paperwork."
Tags:i'll sleep when i'm dead, sleep when dead, sleep when you're dead, sleep when i'm dead, sleep when i am dead, work, working, works, overwork, overworked, spirit, spirits, afterlife, ghost, ghosts, ghostly, spirit, spirits, after life, job, jobs, career, careers, sleep, sleeping, lack of sleep, sleep deprivation, sleep deprived, sleeps, paperwork, paper work, died, dies, dead
"No! Bless you!"
'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'
'It may already be too late.'
"In a million years, I never thought I'd hear Sinatra sing 'Mr. Tambourine Man.' "
'The only way anyone gets in is on there knees.'
"He's from Texas."
Tags:deathbed, terminal, death, dead, die, died, dying, dies, religious, god, religions, religious imagery, hell, hellish, after life, after-life, afterlife, life after death, underworld, under world, under-world, hades, demon, horn, horns, horned, texas, texan, bigger in texas, do it big in texas, big, bigger is better, cowboy, cow boys, southern, southerners, deep south, region, regions, regional, south america, america
The Land Of Milk And Honey: Day 1
Tags:religion, religious, religious imagery, religiously, imagery, heaven, heavens, heavenly, diet, dietary, dietary restrictions, restriction, restrictions, lactose, lactose intolerance, intolerance, diabetes, diabetic, diabete, milk, milk allergy, honey, insulin, insulin spike, sugar, sugars, glucose, insulin response, angel, angels, afterlife, life after death, after-life, after life, halo, modern, modern life, modern world, eating, special requirements, requirements
'I'm afraid you did commit all these sins, sir. Would you like to see the video?'
" 'Abandon all hope' only comes in the sweatshirt."
'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'
"Here he is, folks, straight from his deathbed in Jersey City, a beautiful guy—let's hear a nice round of applause for . . ."
Tags:deathbed, terminal, death, dead, die, died, dying, dies, heaven, heavenly, heavens, heavenly gates, pearly gates, st peter, peter, saint, saints, angel, angels, angelic, angelically, religious, god, gods, lord, religions, religious imagery, st. peter, the heavens, after life, after-life, afterlife, life after death, paradise, paradiso, nirvana, condolence, condolences, sympathy, sympathies, introducing, introduction, introductions, introduce, introduced, audience, applause, applaud, applauded, applauding, applauds
Heaven for Agnostics
"Get a tomb!"
Tags:ghost, ghosts, kiss, kissing, smooch, smooching, making out, makeout, make out, get a room, play on words, word play, word-play, pun, puns, death, dead, die, died, afterlife, after life, life after death, spooky, spook, spirit, spirits, eternal, eternal love, love, loving, loves, valentine, valentines, couple, couples, marriage, married, married life, together forever