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Litigator's Heaven: 'Would you look at this? No handrails! Man, someone is just asking for a big, fat lawsuit. And don't get me started on the heating system.'
'When did you die. . . '60s?'
'He's going to a better place . . . possibly to power an '86 jetta.'
"How could you forget to bring your receipts?"
'Yes, I sold my soul...but what could I do? They held all the papers!'
'Well...let's just say that, on a very local level, you were right.'
"Imagine! In the past year alone, Thomas Jefferson has learned to speak Swahili and play the glockenspiel."
Tags:death, deaths, after life, after-life, after lives, after-lives, heaven, heavens, angel, angels, media, medias, magazine, zine, magazine, zines, educate, educational, learn, learning, learned, learnt, celebrity, celebrities, thomas jefferson, jefferson, worship, praise, impressive, impressed, founding father, founding fathers, president, presidents, swahili, glockenspiel, declaration of independence
"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."
'When I type in your name plus sin, sir, there are over twenty million results.'
"No! Bless you!"
'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'
'It may already be too late.'
'The only way anyone gets in is on there knees.'
'I'm afraid you did commit all these sins, sir. Would you like to see the video?'
'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'
Heaven for Agnostics
'You didn't have to kick the bucket that hard.'
Guy at the gates of heaven but has to go through a maze to get there
'Second fastest gun in the west.'
'You weren't always faithful so some of your prayers went to God's spam.'
'Knowing what you know now, what would you do differently if you could do it all over again?'
"I can't wait for all of our friends to die."
'Do we use CC or BCC to answer the prayer requests?'
'Hell of a place you have here.'
'I had just assumed the college alumni solicitation letters would stop up here.'