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Litigator's Heaven: 'Would you look at this? No handrails! Man, someone is just asking for a big, fat lawsuit. And don't get me started on the heating system.'
'Oh... I always thought it was just an allegory...'
'When did you die. . . '60s?'
'He's going to a better place . . . possibly to power an '86 jetta.'
"All I seem to have brought with me is a headful of baseball statistics."
Self-Help Books For The Newly Dead
A halo lifts a toupee off an angel.
"Oh, and I've started seeing a therapist."
Tags:therapist, therapists, therapists, ghost, ghosts, sighting, sighting, sightings, spirit, spirits, apparition, apparitions, see a therapist, sees a therapist, seeing a therapist, hallucination, hallucinations, hallucinating, see things, sees things, seeing things, mental health, mental health problem, mental health problems, afterlife, afterlives
"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."
Tags:heaven, gates of heaven, pearly gates, pearl gates, the pearly gates, st peter, st. peter, saint peter, sins, judgement, judgements, judgement days, dying, afterlife, the afterlife, after life, the after life, blasphemy, blasphemer, blasphemers, blaspheme, blaspheming, let off, let-off, lucky escape, lucky escapes
"Sorry, all the wings are standard."
"I died in my sleep."
"That's where the celebrities are."
Tags:celebrity, celebrities, levels of hell, levels of heaven, hierarchy, hierarchies, inequality, cant take it with you, can't take it with you, privilege, privileges, rich person, rich people, the one percent, the 1 percent, wealth divide, wealth gap, pearl gates, pearly gates, gates of heaven, heaven, afterlife, the afterlife, st.peter, st peter, saint peter, judgement, judgement day, dying, died
"I feel a draft."
"Joe, is that you? Can you really hear me? What's the password for the email?"
"'Coulda, woulda, shoulda'... yeah, we get a lot of that."
"Soon, my little friend, soon."
'You think this is hot. Try having hot flashes, too.'
"In my previous life I was arugula."
Tags:pumpkin, pumpkins, vegetable, vegetables, arugula, past, jack-o-lantern, next life, afterlife, therapist, therapists, therapy, mental health, anxiety, anxieties, stress, stressed, psychology, psychologist, psychologists, psychiatry, psychiatry, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, counselor, counselors, counsellor, counsellors, counselling, counseling, previous life, previous lives
"Damn, looks like that snotty kid of Ben and Edna's is coming up the tunnel of light."
Tags:heaven, heaven’s gate, afterlife, afterlives, after-life, after-lives, gates of heaven, death, dead, dying, child, children, family, families, family conflict, family conflicts, black sheep, black sheep of the family, brat, brats, bratty children, relatives, relative, snotty kid, snotty kids, snotty children, snotty child, there goes the neighborhood, cloud city, tunnel of light, tunnel of lights, white light, disappointment, disappointing
Heaven - with Children
"We do pretty well when you stop to think that people are basically good."
"Another near-death experience."
"How could you forget to bring your receipts?"
". . . and now for some superduper funtastic team bonding games."
'Yes, I sold my soul...but what could I do? They held all the papers!'