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Litigator's Heaven: 'Would you look at this? No handrails! Man, someone is just asking for a big, fat lawsuit. And don't get me started on the heating system.'
'He's going to a better place . . . possibly to power an '86 jetta.'
'When did you die. . . '60s?'
"Oh, and I've started seeing a therapist."
Tags:therapist, therapists, therapists, ghost, ghosts, sighting, sighting, sightings, spirit, spirits, apparition, apparitions, see a therapist, sees a therapist, seeing a therapist, hallucination, hallucinations, hallucinating, see things, sees things, seeing things, mental health, mental health problem, mental health problems, afterlife, afterlives
"All I seem to have brought with me is a headful of baseball statistics."
A halo lifts a toupee off an angel.
'You think this is hot. Try having hot flashes, too.'
"Damn, looks like that snotty kid of Ben and Edna's is coming up the tunnel of light."
Tags:heaven, heaven’s gate, afterlife, afterlives, after-life, after-lives, gates of heaven, death, dead, dying, child, children, family, families, family conflict, family conflicts, black sheep, black sheep of the family, brat, brats, bratty children, relatives, relative, snotty kid, snotty kids, snotty children, snotty child, there goes the neighborhood, cloud city, tunnel of light, tunnel of lights, white light, disappointment, disappointing
Heaven - with Children
"How could you forget to bring your receipts?"
"Wait. Don't look. O.K., over my left shoulder-is that God?"
'Well...let's just say that, on a very local level, you were right.'
"Sorry, Bernie. We found out about your rejuvenating jelly."
'Yes, I sold my soul...but what could I do? They held all the papers!'
"So much for your attorneys."
'Ok, I've gotta ask..do you actually like this job?'
Tags:charon, ferryman, ferrymen, living, livings, career, careers, styx, acheron, greek mythology, greek mythologies, underworld, hades, afterlife, afterlives, after-life, after-lives, job, jobs, bad joke, bad jokes, pun, puns, inappropriate, joke, jokes, humour, humor, grim reaper, grims, non sequitur
Jesus snowblows a cloud.
'It's all her on your facebook page.'
'Ok, give me your username & password one more time.'
'I was told that I'd be in a better place now. . . I don't think so.'
"Does anyone else's robe say 'Hyatt'?"
A man gets through the pearly gates with an E-Z Pass.
"What do we do with all the guys who ate meat on Friday?"
Tags:lent, catholic, catholics, catholicism, fast, fasts, fasting, abstain, abstains, abstaining, friday, fridays, eating meat on friday, hell, devil, lucifer, hades, arbitrary, rule, rules, organized religion, organised religion, afterlife, afterlives, fish, fish on friday, religious laws, religious law, orthodox, rule breakers, rule breaker
'Whenever I complained that my feet were killing me, nobody believed me.'
"You had more money than God. That's a big no-no."