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'Good news: First-quarter profits should be strong and second-quarter prison sentences should be light.'
"You can't address share holders looking like that! Have you had a good look at this year's results...?"
AGM - Just keep it boring.
Dividends fall whilst executive pay rises - 'As you know, ladies and gentlemen, charity begins at home.'
'Shall we allow a near-term consideration of 'ethics' to lower profit margins? . . . . I think we're better than that!'
'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'
'Great shareholder report, sir! I admire the way you avoided any hint of substance.'
'That, sir - that dismissive little hand wave? It's way too Enron.'
'Then...we went back and identified moments that cried out for a song.'
'According to our research only ten percent of what we do is reprehensible, but it accounts for one hundred percent of our profits.'
'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'
Allotment owners AGM - 'Rhubarb, rhubarb,rhubarb,...'
"Let's try it again, sir - but with a tad more conviction when you tell the lies."
'Hold on ? I have a followup question for you to evade.'
"Just keep it boring."
"The reason my salary is 30 times more than yours is because I am a blood-sucking vampire and, as such, will require greater financial security in my old age."
Tags:agm, annual general meeting, vampire, vampires, retirement plan, retirement plans, retirement fund, retirement funds, pension, pensions, wage gap, wage gaps, income inequality, economic inequality, financial inequality, executive pay, executive pays, exec, execs, executive, executives, bonus, bonuses, financial security
'You left the annual report meeting early, too, huh?
Air traffic controllers AGM
"What are the shareholders complaining about? I make less than a Premier League footballer."
'Mr Chairman, it's nearly midnight. Can we move on to item two?'
"I will now fend off questions from the audience."
'I'm off to the A.G.M. the C.B.I. then the D.T.I. - after that I'm going home to B.E.D.'
"What do you want to mention first, the senior defections, the profits warning or the aborted takeover talks?"
'...and I would also like to deny that I spend all my time on the golf course.'