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"I'm afraid I'll have to fondle that chicken, m'am."
Tired of being slowed down at airport security, Vince began to travel in only a pair of Speedos.
Santa Security Check
'My insurance won't pay for an MRI!'
'It's probably nothing, but to be sure, let's get an airport security body scan.'
'Yep, another set of incisors that are too sharp for security regulations. You'll need to wear a muzzle during the flight, ma'am.'
"Look on the bright side...you'll be here for all eternity, which is still better than the TSA security lines this travel season..."
'The airport security people who will be viewing you are in a soundproof booth...'
"No contraband, but I found a small tumor right here."
'Cool eh man. I got on board without a ticket, no passport and they didn't even take my 44 Magnum!'
Scene of man from game a game, a man walking through a body scanner at airport security.
Luckily for Max, security never did confiscate his long, poking device.
'Even a small thermonuclear device can be smuggled through security if wrapped in dirty underwear.'
"Sure, pat down strangers all day, but I ask for one little hug..."
Working at the TSA...Pat-Down Fridays
'Can you help me find my keys?'
'Hold it, Ma'am. There seems to be something very wrong here.'
'Uh, Sir... would you please remove your neck bolts and try again?'
General at the Airport
"Security pat-down? I thought it was a Thai massage..."
"It's a procedure, sir. Remove your turban!"
'Honest . . .It's only heavy metal.'