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God uses the universe as a reading light.
Tags:god, almighty, creator, creators, divine, divinity, read, reads, reading, reader, readers, reading light, reading lights, late night, late nights, night owl, night owls, light, lights, let there be light, creation, genesis, divine creator, divine creators, divinity, theology, bookworm, bookworms, book worm, book worms, book group, book groups
"Under the Freedom of Information Act, I'm requesting that you disclose what you have on me in your files."
Tags:foia, foia request, foia requests, request, requests, pray, prays, praying, prayer, prayers, freedom of information, freedom of information act, freedom of information acts, disclose, discloses, disclosing, disclosure, personal information, personal info, info, information, god, almighty, judge, judges, judgment, judgments, judgement, judgements, insecure, insecurity, insecurities, ethics, government, governments, law, laws, lawyer, lawyers
The Older Testament: An Origin Story
Tags:bible, bible story, prequel, prequels, relationship, relationships, relationship problem, relationship problems, god, almighty, omnipotent, omnipotence, genesis, breakup, breakups, break-up, break-ups, nasty breakup, inspiration, inspirations, inspire, inspires, inspiring, therapy, therapist, therapist, couples therapy, couples therapist, couples therapists, counselling, counseling, counselor, counselors, counsellor, counsellors, fight, fights, fighting, argument, arguments, bicker, bickers, bickering, split up, splits up, splitting up, divorce, divorces, divorcing
"That was fast."
Tags:response, responses, response team, response teams, angel, angels, pray, prayers, prayer, answer, answers, answering, heavenly, god, instant, instantaneous, instant response, instant responses, quick, quick response, quick responses, hurry, hurries, hurrying, christian, christians, christianity, theist, theists, believer, believers, faithful, almighty, god, holy spirit
"When you get a chance, remember to ask God the meaning of life-it's a riot."
Tags:meaning of life, god, joke, jokes, funny, hilarious, almighty, angel, angels, cynic, cynics, cynical, outlook, outlooks, life philosophy, life philosophies, prank, pranks, prankster, pranksters, laugh riot, laugh riots, laugh, laughs, laughing, laughter, dark joke, dark jokes, dark humor, dark humour
"I can't deal with any famines, massacres or epidemics right now - I've got to help some guy sink a foul shot."
Tags:god, sports, famine, massacres, basketball, pray, prays, prayer, prayers, power of prayer, priority, priorities, epidemic, epidemics, massacre, genocide, genocides, foul shot, foul shots, basketball, basketball player, basketball players, competition, competitions, almighty, god almighty, omnipotent, omnipotence, lord, the lord, prioritise, prioritises, prioritising, mankoff
God finds all the prayers of mankind in his spam folder.
"You talkin' to me?"
Tags:gangster, gangsters, mob, mobster, mobsters, pray, prays, praying, prayer, prayers, threaten, threatens, threatening, mafia, mafia member, mafia members, organized crime, organised crime, threat, threats, intimidate, intimidates, intimidating, intimidation, challenge, challenges, challenging, god, lord, almighty, conversation with god, conversations with god, talking to god, negotiate, negotiates, negotiating
Adam and Eve: If not satisfied with products for any reason, please expel them from paradise.
"Are you sure you need to make a large print version available?"
God sits, wearing a shirt that says "O.M.G."
"It's always, 'hey God, thank for the win! It's never, 'hey God, need tickets?"
Tags:god, st peter, saint, saints, creator, almighty, thank god, thanks, thank you, giving thanks, football, football game, football games, football stadium, football stadiums, american football, football lover, football lovers, football fan, football fans, fair weather friend, fair weather friends, left out
First Church of the Almighty Dollar.
'Why do they always point at me when they get into an end zone?'
'It's not for myself, you understand."
"You're not going to believe this -- they're making deep-fried manna."
'Boy - makes me wonder what he wished for...'
God lines up Siding Spring to pot Mars in the middle pocket.
Tags:mars, planet, planets, space, science, astronomy, comet, comets, siding, spring, c/2013 a1, observatory, collision, astronomer, telescope, astronomers, telescopes, radio, radiotelescope, radiotelescopes, sky, night, snooker, billiards, celestial, game, games, ball, pot, in-off, cannon, god, religion, heaven, pastime, pastimes, sport, lord, almighty, father, snookered, cue-ball, cue, cues, prediction, trajectory, dust, cloud, experiment, satellite, satellites, nasa, outer
'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'
'Remember, smite first an ask questions later.'
Do you really expect to get in here with a resume like this?
'Fortunately, the Almighty is compassionate, kind, understanding, and hopefully tone deaf.'
"What? You broke number 3 already?"
Tags:moses, god, lord, almighty, the creator, bible, biblical, bible story, religion, christianity, swear, swearing, cursing, commandments, 10 commandments, stone tablets, mount sinai, judaism, torah, torahs, ark of the covenant, religious law, religious laws, blasphemy, blaspheming, cussing, bad language, ten commandments
"Wow, I'd always assumed it was just a figure of speech!"