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Lizard running with football.
'... left tackle, Barry Simons! And last, but not least, team drug tester Dr. Gregory Richard!'
The Bacteria Bowl
Coulda, shoulda, woulda... DID!
A question you can't ask at a football game - 'Has anyone lost their keys?'
'Then I remarked how good it was that the linebacker faked the blitz then dropped back into coverage. You should have seen his face. It was like I'd taken away his G.I Joe and put a dress on it.'
'What's the name of our new mascot again?' 'Mopey.'
'He threw four interceptions and blew a 14 point lead in the fourth quarter... get the spin doctor!'
'Their offense is shifty and often ruthless. I want you to study the videotapes - especially this one showing their quarterback robbing a convenience store at gunpoint.'
'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'
'... I'll take the handoff to the tailback, then give the ball to my stunt double here, and he will dive head-first into the end zone.'
'At first I decided that Bob should sit out the rest of the game. He twisted his mind... but now I'm thinking - hey, maybe this is an opportunity.'
'He's been wanting to have his own signature end-zone dance, but this just doesn't cut it.'
'I have no excuse for the horrible way my team performed today. However, my assistant coaches are reviewing the tape, and we should have an excuse worked up by Monday morning.'
'Well, now that you mention it - yes, I did hear screams. But they seemed like a normal couple just reacting to the action on the field.'
'Truth? This drill has nothing to do with football. I just like to watch them scream.'
'Relax, Jake. You are the starting quarterback - for now. But we are grooming Timmy for the future.'
'Wait! We can share credit for the sack... Frank, you hit him high. Dewey, hit him low. I'll take the middle.'
'Harold has a difficult time accepting constructive criticism.'
'Walk it off!'
'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'
'I'm taking you off of chattering in the outfield.'
'It's out of hand when the team mascot tests positive for steroids.'
'You're always glued to a ball game. You never want to talk about my butcher's cousin's dog.'
'Okay, men, let's go out and win one for the flipper.'