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"First, we numb you by showing you today's headlines."
Tags:doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, operation, operations, operating theatre, operating theatres, operating room, operating rooms, media, news, newspaper, newspapers, magazine, magazines, technology, online, fake news, laptop, laptops, tablet, tablets, smartphone, smartphones, headline, headlines, anaesthetized, anaesthetize, anesthetized, anesthetize, anaesthetised, anaesthetise, anaesthetist, anaesthetists, anesthetist, anesthetists, painkiller, painkillers, numbing, numb, numbed
"What'll it be—Novocain or Yanni?"
Tags:dentist, dentists, dental office, dental offices, dentist's office, dentist's offices, dental, dental work, teeth, tooth, teeth cleaning, cleaning, teeth cleanings, cleanings, going to the dentist, anesthetic, anaesthetic, anaesthetist, anaesthetists, anesthetist, anesthetists, new age, entertainment, cavity, cavities, numbing, music, musician, musicians, instrumental, medical, medicine, putting to sleep, drug
'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'
'We'll just mill around till he's asleep, and then send him back up. This operation is actually for a placebo effect.'
"And now, my mother, Mrs. Knable, will put you to sleep with tales of her arthritis."
The Annual Anesthesiologist Convention.
"Remove your shoes and socks. We ran out of laughing gas"
"Okay - which one of us is talking now?"
Tags:hospital, hospitals, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, surgery, surgeries, surgeon, surgeons, operation, operations, nurse, going under, under the knife, anaesthesiologist, anaesthesiologists, anesthesiologist, anesthesiologists, anaesthetist, anaesthetists, talking, mask, masks, face masks, face masks, facial mask, facial masks, guess, guessing, guess who
'Would you like to take advantage of our 'painless dentistry option'?'
"The only type of anesthesia your health insurance would cover is a tranquilizer dart."
"Will a local anesthesia work? I'm from out-of-town."
Tags:hospitals, hospital, local anesthetic, local anaesthesic, local anaesthesics, local anaesthesia, local anesthesia, pain killer, pain killers, painkiller, painkillers, medical procedure, surgical procedure, local anesthetics, doctors, doctor, patients, patient, medicine, medical, anesthesia, out-of-town, out of town, anaesthetist, anaesthetists, anesthetist, anesthetists
"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."
Tags:anesthesia, anaesthesia, anesthesiologist, anesthesiologists, anaesthetist, anaesthetists, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, surgical procedure, surgical procedures, operation, operations, painkiller, painkillers, general anaesthetic, general anaesthetics, general anesthetic, general anesthetics
"You'll be kept awake throughout the operation."
'Sure we're underfunded, but we manage!'
Things you don't want to hear or why they make sure you're asleep
'Count backwards from 100 and tell me when you can no longer feel your wallet.'
"You want a local anesthetic? Okay, our receptionist will tell you endless stories about her grandchildren."
"Not responding to a knock-knock joke isn't proof he's unconscious."
Tags:kwarky, anesthesiologist, anesthesiologists, anaesthetist, anaesthetists, knock-knock, joke, jokes, unconscious, out cold, doctor, doctors, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, hospital, hospitals, operating table, operating room, emergency room, pain, medical, physician, anesthesia, patient, pain relief, nurse, proof, evidence, pain management, technology, medical, procedure, painkiller, painkillers
'If we taped their incoherent ramblings under anesthesia it would make a great reality show.'
"He's taking selfies again. More anesthesia!"
Tags:anaesthesia, anesthesia, anaesthetists, anaesthetist, anesthetists, anesthetist, pain killer, pain killers, painkiller, painkillers, drug, hospital, hospitals, selfie, selfies, self-portrait, self-portraits, surgeon, surgeons, surgical procedure, surgical procedures, modern fad, modern fads, operation, operations
'You say he needs 'ventilatory support' - are we talking boxers or Y-fronts?'
'And now for the anesthesia: I've got plenty of conventional anesthetics I could use here but you can also choose to spend half an hour on the phone with my mother...'
"You'll note, Clammerhorn, the yellow tank is helium."
Tags:anaesthesiologists, anaesthesiologist, anaesthesiology, anesthesiologists, anesthesiologist, anesthesiology, anaesthetists, anaesthetist, anesthetists, anesthetist, operating theater, operating theaters, operating theatre, operating theatres, surgical team, surgical teams, surgery, surgeries, helium, drug, operation, operations
'Tough luck. It's our anaesthetist's day off!'
'Relax - we use only the latest pain-free technology. You won't feel a thing!'