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'Who says we vote ourselves a huge pay rise, then spend the rest of the AGM practicing our humble expressions?'
"We're negotiating with his agent to get Emmanuel Lewis to host our stockholder's meeting."
"You can't address share holders looking like that! Have you had a good look at this year's results...?"
Dividends fall whilst executive pay rises - 'As you know, ladies and gentlemen, charity begins at home.'
'Shall we allow a near-term consideration of 'ethics' to lower profit margins? . . . . I think we're better than that!'
'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'
'Great shareholder report, sir! I admire the way you avoided any hint of substance.'
'That, sir - that dismissive little hand wave? It's way too Enron.'
'According to our research only ten percent of what we do is reprehensible, but it accounts for one hundred percent of our profits.'
Allotment owners AGM - 'Rhubarb, rhubarb,rhubarb,...'
"Let's try it again, sir - but with a tad more conviction when you tell the lies."
"The reason my salary is 30 times more than yours is because I am a blood-sucking vampire and, as such, will require greater financial security in my old age."
Air traffic controllers AGM
'Mr Chairman, it's nearly midnight. Can we move on to item two?'
'I'm off to the A.G.M. the C.B.I. then the D.T.I. - after that I'm going home to B.E.D.'
'...and I would also like to deny that I spend all my time on the golf course.'
"I should now like to call this AGM to...to...er..."
Annual Accounting Conference - "Now, if only we can figure out a way of opening it"
'We'll start with the minutes of next year's AGM.'
'...nurse Flemmer will be out in the lobby doing shareholder triage.'
'Gentlemen, circle around on the spot several times and be seated.' - At the dog AGM
Organised Crime A.G.M.
Now before I give you my report, I want you all to remember the word 'cycle'.