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'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'
Dividends fall whilst executive pay rises - 'As you know, ladies and gentlemen, charity begins at home.'
'Great shareholder report, sir! I admire the way you avoided any hint of substance.'
'According to our research only ten percent of what we do is reprehensible, but it accounts for one hundred percent of our profits.'
"Let's try it again, sir - but with a tad more conviction when you tell the lies."
'I'm off to the A.G.M. the C.B.I. then the D.T.I. - after that I'm going home to B.E.D.'
'...and I would also like to deny that I spend all my time on the golf course.'
"I should now like to call this AGM to...to...er..."
'We'll start with the minutes of next year's AGM.'
'...nurse Flemmer will be out in the lobby doing shareholder triage.'
Business Awards - ...and now best performance by a chairman at an AGM, defending a massive salary increase.
Just be ready to duck.
Profits - "On the positive side, our company has never been touched by any scandal connected with insider trading."
"Firstly, I'd like to thank you all for coming."