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"That was my answering cervix."
'My answering service tells me you called about a job back in July.'
'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'
'I brought this in so we can cut down the insurance company's phone tree.'
"Please enter your account number, followed by the pound symbol. If you're under 40, please enter your account number, followed by a hashtag."
'This is Emily's answering services...'
'Please leave a message after the beep and this short advertisement...'
"Tia Carmen's answering service...can I help you? When will she be available? I'd say during the next commercial break in her telenovela."
'Aaaaah' 'Helpline's busy can you hold.'
'I'm under the care of a doctor's answering service.'
'Watch your language, I'm not a recording!'
Just as a matter of interest, how long have you been on hold?
"Hello, you're through to the headkeeper's voicemail."