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"My diagnosis is you have an arrow through your head, but to be safe, I'll order a series of tests."
Man hanging by chains in dungeon, arrow in chest with message saying: 'Help is at hand.'
'This 32 year-old male was admitted last night with fever, chills, nausea, sweating and severe abdominal pain.'
'So, let me guess. Bad headaches again?'
'I never know when you're joking!'
"No, its not a pre-existing condition."