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"And then she slapped my face, injuring my beard."
'It must be your turn to make the tea.'
'My husband is a very large, loud and obnoxious man. OK, sure, I tried to hire a hit man. But just to hit him.'
'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)
'You're under arrest for pretending to beat up a mime'
Muriel often used her emotional toolbox to her distinct advantage.
'Are you sure this is all you can remember seeing after you were attacked?'
'Now I want you to know, Carl, this is just a temporary fix.'
'That's him. Number 3 is the one who attacked me.'
'I'm afraid you've assaulted his civil liberties, sir.'
'I'm making enquiries following the assault on an electric fan salesman, outside this property.'
'Alice Ann's 30 second workout to firm the buttocks has an unexpected ending.'
'I made a mistake. I made eye contact.'
'Do you recognise the swine who threw the custard pie at you Mrs Simpkins?'
Burglar takes the shirt off his victims back at gunpoint
I love New York
"A bunch of kids next door are going berserk with a baseball bat! Call 911. I'm losing candy fast!"