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'My husband is a very large, loud and obnoxious man. OK, sure, I tried to hire a hit man. But just to hit him.'
"Stick around, pal. If paint samples from your wall match those found on the body on the sidewalk, we'll need to ask you a few more questions."
'Your honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of the trauma caused when Don Imus once insulted him.'
'I'm making enquiries following the assault on an electric fan salesman, outside this property.'
"No, I can't give you a description, but I'd recognise the lanky, buck-toothed, four-eyed, bald headed b*****d anywhere!"
'You are charged with assault and battery on a battery....'
"Looks like a classic case of salt and battery eh, Watson?"
If you decide to charge him with assault, here's my card!
"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2
"Good heavens,no! I haven't come to rob you. There's much more to be made from bringing an assault charge."
'Can you see the man who assaulted you in the supermarket?'