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'Well I could help with 'A bit of filing and general help around the office' or you MIGHT like to benefit from my 25 years experience in software development and capital infrastructure investment experience.'
'Strange -- I always thought that thunder sounded like the angels were bowling.'
Tags:storm, storms, stormy, angel, angels, heaven, heavens, cloud, clouds, vacuum, vacuums, vacuuming, vacuumed, hoover, hoovers, hoovered, hoovering, thunder, thunders, boom, booms, booming, boomed, wrong, assume, assumes, assumed, assuming, assumption, assumptions, afterlife, bowling, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
"Let me guess. You want French and you want ranch?"
Tags:restaurant, restaurants, diner, diners, dining out, eating out, meal, meals, food, eating, dining, waiter, waiters, server, servers, waitress, waitresses, service, customer service, order, orders, ordering, menu, menus, french, ranch, rancher, ranchers, cowboy, cowboys, stereotype, stereotypes, stereotyping, pun, puns, word play, wordplay, salad dressing, salad dressings, dressing, dressings, salad, salads, role, roles, beret, berets, cowboy hat, cowboy hats, hat, hats, guess, guesses, guessing, let me guess, assuming, french dressing, ranch dressing
'Why do people always assume I download my music illegally?'
Tags:pirate, pirates, music, musics, download, downloads, downloading, downloaded, downloader, downloaders, mp3, mp3s, mp3 player, mp3 players, music player, music players, assume, assumes, assuming, assumed, assumption, assumptions, confuse, confused, confusing, confusion, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
"We will MAKE the problem fit out solution."
Tags:humanitarian aid, cartoonathon, humanitarian work, problem, problems, solution, solutions, solve, solves, problem solver, problem solvers, assumption, assumptions, assume, assumes, assuming, square peg, round hole, fix, fixes, quick fix, quick fixes, predetermined, analysis, analyze, analyzing, analyse, analysing, analyst, analysts, closeminded, narrowminded, close-minded, narrow-minded
"I don't have a single complaint about my treatment by the media."
Tags:treatment, treatments, media bias, media biases, white male, white males, white man, white men, bigot, bigots, bigoted, perspective, perspectives, hegemony, hegemonic, mainstream media, unfair, fair, fairness, complaint, complaints, complain, complains, complaining, newspaper, newspapers, journalist, journalists, journalism, unfair treatment, assumption, assumptions, assume, assumes, assuming
"I thought it was a place to pick up some chicks, but NOOOOO!"
Tags:chicken, chickens, chick, chicks, take out, take outs, take away, takeaways, think, thinks, thinking, thunk, thought, thoughts, food, restaurant, restaurants, fast food, date, dates, dating, dated, assume, assumes, assuming, assumption, assumptions, assumed, mistaken, rooster, roosters, pick up, picks up, picking up, picked up
"Is it safe to assume that the meat is laced with antibiotics and the salad is chockfull of pesticides?"
Tags:eating out, dining out, pretentious, pretension, pretentiousness, hipster, hipsters, millennial, millennials, organic, organic food, pesticide, pesticides, antibiotics, bad customer, bad customers, fussy customer, fussy customers, fussy eater, fussy eaters, modern life, modern attitudes, complain, complaining, complaint, complaints, assume, assuming, assumption, assumptions, making assumption
"Oh, and Botticelli. Botticelli would probably have been a great filmmaker."
Tags:botticelli, sandro botticelli, art history, art historian, art historians, adapt, adapts, adaptation, adaptations, producer, producers, hollywood, film, filmmaker, filmmakers, filmmaking, movie business, movie businesses, film industry, movie industry, speculate, speculates, speculating, speculation, baseless, unfounded, assumption, assumptions, assume, assumes, assuming
"Okay, okay...so the weatherman was right for once."
Tags:rain, rains, rainstorm, rainstorms, storm, storms, weatherman, weathermen, weather man, weather men, prediction, predictions, forecast, forecasts, always wrong, incorrect, preparation, preparations, prepare, prepares, preparing, umbrella, umbrellas, brolly, brollies, assumption, assumptions, assume, assumes, assuming
"My basic judicial philosophy is 'Guilty.'"
Tags:judge, judges, judicial philosophy, judicial philosophies, guilty, assumption, assumptions, assume, assumes, assuming, guilt, verdict, verdicts, constitution, constitutional right, trial, trials, fair trial, fair trials, bias, biased, innocent, innocence, assumption of innocence, pre-judge, pre-judges, pre-judging, judgment, judgments, judgement, judgements
'I made the mistake of thinking the manager of a Christian bookstore wouldn't have a gun.'
"For the hundredth time—I have no idea how to make crystal meth."
Tags:crystal meth, chemist, chemists, chemistry teacher, chemistry teachers, student, students, chemistry, teacher, teachers, teaching, high school, tv show, tv shows, tv program, tv programs, tv series, tv series, television, televisions shows, tvs, marathon, marathons, binge watch, binge watches, binge watching, bingeing, assumption, assumptions, assume, assumes, assuming, methamphetamine, methamphetamines, drug dealer, amphetamine, amphetamines, addict, addicts
"Did you once admire your Aunt's kitchen towels?"
Tags:will, wills, executor, executors, executing, aunt, aunts, estate, estates, dealing with the estate, inherit, inheriting, inheritance, confused, confusion, incoherent, incoherent, assume, assuming, assumption, making assumptions, next-of-kin, kinsman, manage, managing, admire, admiration, bicker, bickers, bickering, divorce, divorces, divorcing, sore spot, sore spots
The Assumption of Mary
"What do you mean I don't have to pay the two-million-dollar fine in unmarked bills?"
Tags:trump, president trump, president donald trump, the donald, businessman, business, businesses, illegal payment, illegal payments, illegal transaction, criminal, criminal activity, criminal activities, crimes, illegal business, illegal businesses, unmarked bills, unmarked, fine, pay a fine, paying fine, paid fine, pays a fine, assumption, assuming, assumed, assumptions, assumes, assume
"Oh, honey! It's all alone! Can we take it home with us?"
"Isn't that false advertising?"
Tags:online dating, online date, online dates, blind date, blind dates, first date, first dates, put your best foot forward, putting your best foot forward, mislead, misleads, misleading, misled, shaping brief, shaping briefs, assumption, assumptions, assume, assumes, assuming, single life, dating life
"The water can't cold. This guy has been in there for three days!"
'I just assumed you'd have a non-smoking section.'
'I'm not a consumer. I'm a provider.'
'I'm not a 'chick'. Are you a rooster?'
'No, I'm not a housewife. Are you a househusband?'
'I always assumed my fifteen minutes of fame would come when I was ALIVE.'
"I guess this means we're going steady."