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The Big Tipper
Tags:space, outer space, science, star, stars, constellation, constellations, big dipper, astronomy, astronomer, astronomers, astrology, astrologer, astrologers, service, customer service, service industry, restaurant, restaurants, bar, bars, tip, tips, tipping, tipping culture, tipper, tippers, big tipper, big tippers, customer, customers, money, word play, wordplay
"I said I'm an astronomer, not an astrologist!"
Tags:astrologist, astrologists, astrology, astronomer, astronomers, astronomy, astrophysics, astrophysicist, astrophysicists, stargazer, stargazers, star-gazer, star-gazers, starsign, starsigns, star sign, star signs, pseudoscience, pseudosciences, pet peeve, pet peeves, hobby, job title, job titles, con, cons, scientist, scientists, psychic, psychics, fortune teller, fortune tellers, fortune, fortunes, horoscope, horoscopes
"I'd like to get my hands on the astrologer who told you that!"
Tags:astrologer, astrologers, astrology, prediction, predictions, guess, guesses, guessing, guessing game, guessing games, bad guess, bad guesses, inaccurate, inaccuracy, revenge, vengeance, seek vengeance, seeks vengeance, seeking vengeance, couple, couples, married couple, married couples, bicker, bickers, bickering, row, rows, rowing, fight, fights, fighting
Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."
Tags:tarot, tarots, tarot card, tarot cards, card, cards, fortune, fortunes, fortune teller, fortune tellers, read, reading, house of, astrology, astrological, mystic, mystics, mysticism, mets, met, baseball, baseball game, games, season, seasons, the game, record, new york, sport, sports, competitive sports, sports lover, sports lovers, competition, clinch, seance, married, marriage, married life, communication, communicate, communicating, wife, wives, loyal, loyalty, seance, seances
After the death of New York City, Zeus placed it in the heavens as a constellation.
Tags:new york, ny, urban, city, cities, constellation, constellations, star, stars, space, outer space, astronomy, astronomer, astronomers, astrology, astrologist, astrologists, science, zeus, greek, greek god, greek gods, greek mythology, myth, myths, legend, legends, history, historical, heaven, heavens, death, dead, borough, boroughs, five boroughs, manhattan, brooklyn, queens, the bronx, staten island, map, maps, outline, outlines, new, modern, modern life
'Hmm...yes, I'm afraid it is a sign of cancer.'
"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"
Tags:bar, bars, pub, pubs, patron, patrons, customer, customers, drink, drinks, drinking, drinking alcohol, alcohol, alcoholic, liquor, booze, horoscope, horoscopes, zodiac, zodiac, astrology, star sign, star signs, western astrology, animal, animals, anthropomorphism, anthropomorphic, personification, bull, bulls, fish, ram, rams, crab, crabs, lion, lions, taurus, aeries, leo, pieces, cancer, relationship, relationships, dating, date, dates, flirting, pick-up line, pick-up lines, pickup line, pickup lines, pick up line, pick up lines, compatibility
'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'
"For what it's worth, next week all your stars and planets will be in good aspect for you to launch an invasion of England."
Tags:astrologer, astrologers, astrology, invade, invades, invading, invasion, invasions, norman, normans, horoscope, horoscopes, luck, good luck, war, wars, warring, warfare, predict, predicts, predicting, prediction, predictions, psychic, psychics, argue, argues, arguing, battle, battles, battling, fortune, fortunes, fortune teller, fortune tellers, fortune telling, start a war, starting a war, england, united kingdom
'Johannes Kepler's uphill batle'
"I was actually born in September, but I identify as a Pisces."
"My client pleads not guilty on the grounds that Saturn was transiting his natal Pluto at the time of the incident."
"All mine says is that I often give in to feelings of envy and that I should appreciate what I have. But your horoscope is better."
"These antidepressants should help with your natal Saturn-Pluto conjunction."
"29 degrees in Scorpio? What's that in Fahrenheit?"
"I don't need to check your chart! The best time for you to have surgery is right now!"
"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"
"I see you going on a long journey."
"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."
'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'
"I bet you feel pretty ridiculous bringing that wind chime."
'A lot of rubbish. We Leos aren't that easily fooled.'
'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'
"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."
'Why aren't comets ever discovered by people named Smith or Jones?'