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"Hold it right there!"
Tags:caught red handed, criminal, criminals, attempted murder, violent crime, violent crimes, stab, stabs, stabbing, stabbings, stabbed, police officer, police officers, police, policeman, policemen, law enforcement, evidence, compelling evidence, mayoral election, mayoral elections, mayoral race, mayoral races, political corruption, ballot box, police failing, police failings
"I told you we'd settle this in the parking lot."
"That's three counts of attempted burger."
Tags:barbecue, barbecues, barbecuing, barbequing, barbeque, barbeques, cookout, cookouts, cooking, grilling, grill, grills, food, hamburger, hamburgers, burger, burgers, bad cook, bad cooks, burning, burnt, food waste, police, policeman, policemen, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, arresting, under arrest, attempted murder, wordplay, word play
'I met somebody who used to work for me while I was crossing the street today. . . I jumped out of the way just in time.'
"I wish to report an attempted murder please."
'Okay, so I had one bad day.'
"Bad luck definitely comes in threes...first my ex gets hit by a bus...then I lose my job as a bus driver...and now this!"
Tags:ex wife, ex-wife, ex-wives, ex wives, prisons, prisoner, prisoners, jail, jails, gaol, gaols, fire, fires, firing, sack, sacks, sacked, revenge, ex-girlfriend, ex-girlfriends, ex girlfriend, ex girlfriends, vengeance, crimes, road rage, road-rage, criminal, criminals, bad luck, prison, convict, bus driver, fired, penitentiary, unemployed, unlucky, unluckiness, murder, murders, attempted murder, homicide, homicides, attempted murders
The Cat's Attempted Murder.
'Did you hear something?'
'Take your time Mr Dumpty and try to identify the scoundrel who pushed you off the wall and assaulted you!'
'All right, guys, I got it, you forgot about me… didn't you?'
'...and when did you first get this feeling that everyone was out to get you?'
'Fetch, Boy! Fetch!'
'Johnson you must not bring your family problems to the office.'
'Visiting hours are over, Mrs. Kornwinkle.'
'Everyone remembers where they were when they heard Phil Mitchell had been shot.'
'President of Taiwan attacked with cookie of fortune from Wen Jiabao's Deli, Beijing.'
Desert Island Murder
"Someone cut your brake lines. I can fix that, but it's up to you to patch things up at home."
Tags:relationships, attempted murder, accident, cars, car service, brake job, brakes, marriage, divorce, revenge, passive aggressive, sabotage a vehicle, sabotage, mechanic, service station, vehicle maintenance, patching things up, apologizing, making up, domestic harmony, fighting, a woman's wrath, cheating on your spouse, marital problem, marital problems, marriage problem, marriage problems, mechanic, mechanics, couples counselling, couples counseling, relationship therapy, relationship therapist, marital therapy, marriage therapy
"Darling, I've bought something that'll help with your snoring...."
"There you are - you can put knives back in the right order if you try, without my condescending advice."
When victim impact statements go horribly wrong.