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"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"
"This is really quite a switch!"
"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"
"A motion to democratize the board has been made and quashed."
"I'm concerned about my legacy - kill the historians."
"It's so refreshing to finally have a leader who answers his critics."
'From this day on, we live in a true democracy. The voters have spoken, and the muttonchops must go.'
'The great thing about autocracy is government can be the answer to everything.'
"Remember to seat them as populist...autocrat...populist...autocrat..."
"They will be expecting us to stage a coup. But instead we will achieve democracy through progressive dialogue, a transitional justice process and a ten year plan to share the power."
"And while I have you all here, does anyone have some creamer?"