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"I'm starting to think humans don't even like winning free cruises."
'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'
'To speak to an actual person, press '5.' To speak to an actual wolverine, dream on.'
'Your call is important to us...but not important encough for us to hire additional staff to talk to you.'
"It just says, 'Press one for English.'"
'...For someone who really cares call your mother.'
"Give me a sec and I'll check your order."
"Here, I'll call the credit department for you...you might wanna push 'seven' on here."