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'To speak to an actual person, press '5.' To speak to an actual wolverine, dream on.'
"Please enter your account number, followed by the pound symbol. If you're under 40, please enter your account number, followed by a hashtag."
'Your call is important to us...but not important encough for us to hire additional staff to talk to you.'
"It just says, 'Press one for English.'"
"Here, I'll call the credit department for you...you might wanna push 'seven' on here."
"Give me a sec and I'll check your order."