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'Oh, God I have to talk to a *****! Human!'
Our menu has changed. To hear this message again, press 1. To hang up, press 2.
Staff are all busy having a cup of coffee and a bit of a sit down...please hold on, your call IS important to us!
'Try recording it again but this time, don't laugh when you say, 'Your call is important to us'.'
"I don't mind being put on hold but change the music..."
"We had to get builders to stop hoarding land and start building houses...extreme forms of persuasion were called for!"
"...If you're still having difficulty with your connection...say 'yes'..."
'We're sorry, the number you dialed is no longer in service. Please check your head and dial again. . .'
'For acall centre in Bangalore press 1 - for one in Hyderbad press......'
Staff are all busy having a cup of coffee and a bit of a sit down...please hold on,your call IS important to us!
'For our staff's amusement, this call may be recorded.'
All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.
We're sorry, all lines are currently busy. Please continue holding for the next available recorded message.
He's on another line, I have to put you on hold...
'But not important enough to hire more operators.'
'Your call is of limited interest to us. Please hold in the vain hope that you are next in the queue...'
'All our operators are busy. Please hold. If, however, you are money talking, please press one now...'
"If you want to talk to a real person, hang up and call your mother!"
On hold, anger management hotline.
Soothing music whilst waiting for phone line - for Vivaldi press 1.....
"...or for Customer service press 9. If you are on a rotary phone please hang up and go buy a real phone"