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"I always lived vicariously. Why can't I die vicariously?"
'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'
'Who approved the training on work avoidance?'
"Unfortunately I can't take your call as I have call display and I don't want to talk to you."
"You created a robot to do your homework for you? Apparently, laziness is the mother of invention."
"But honey, 'Excuses.com' just sent me 294 reasons why we shouldn't go visit your mother!"
"Actually, I don't mind picking up leaves. It stops me from following politics."
"It's his coping strategy."
"Hey, isn't that your "ex" over the road?"
"Homework okay, but I draw the line at eating the kid's vegetables."
"This Excuse App knows everything about you, so it makes up great excuses to get you out of anything!"
"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether."