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"We grow all our own bad-tasting ugly things."
Tags:modern life, modern attitudes, grow your own, home grown, veg, veggies, vegetable, vegetables, home cook, home cooking, fresh cooking, deluded, delusional, pretentious, pretension, pretentiousness, bad cook, bad cooks, bad food, home-grown, hipster, hipsters, show off, show offs, showing off, show-off, show-offs
"I stuffed it with things found around the house."
Tags:turkey, turkeys, thanksgiving, chicken, chickens, cook, cooks, cooking, stuffing, stuffings, dressing, dressings, dinner, dinners, meal, meals, supper, suppers, misunderstand, misunderstanding, misunderstandings, bad cook, bad cooks, found object, found objects, loose change, haphazard, christmas, christmas dinner, banquet, dinner party, dinner parties, disaster, disasters
"I'm here to fix the lasagne."
"Maybe I haven't suffered enough. Why don't you whip up some of your curried pork balls and refried rice for dinner?"
Tags:art, artist, artists, painting, paintings, painter, painters, easel, easels, paint, paints, suffer, suffering, suffering artist, suffering artists, whip up, food, dinner, dinners, meal, meals, bad cook, bad cooks, homecooking, home chef, home chefs, pain, hardship, misery, difficult, difficulties, relationship, relationships, love, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, insult, insults, insulting
'You just had to put in fifteen hundred acres of corn when you know darn well all my casseroles call for green beans.'
Tags:farm, farms, farming, farmer, farmers, farmed, acre, acres, corn, corns, sweetcorn, sweet corn, plant, planted, plants, planting, planter, planters, green beans, green, greens, beans, bean, pea, peas, casserole, casseroles, wife, wives, bad cook, cook, cooking, cooker, cookers, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
"This is actually quite good. Remember the first time you tried to order pizza?"
Tags:couple, couples, husband and wife, husbands and wives, marriages, long term relationship, long term relationship, long-term relationship, long-term relationships, pizza, pizzas, pizza delivery, takeaway pizza, takeout pizza, ordering pizza, cooking, bad cook, bad cooks, incompetent, incompetence, insult, insults, insulted, insulting
"Kids! No watching Bobby Flay before Mommy cooks dinner!"
Tags:kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, family, families, cooking, homecooking, home cooking, cook, cooks, chef, chefs, famous chef, famous chefs, food, dinner, dinners, dinnertime, mealtime, meal, meals, bad cook, bad cooks, bad at cooking, compare, comparison, comparisons, comparing, television, televisions, television show, television shows, television program, television programs, television programmes, television programmes, tv, tvs, tv show, tv shows, tv program, tv programs, tv programmes, tv programmes, t.v., t.v.s, t.v. show, t.v. shows, t.v. program, t.v. programs, t.v. programme, t.v. programmes, watching t.v., watching tv, watching television
"One wonders what they're serving tonight at Oustau de Baumaniere in Les Baux."
"Are you ready to pound down some breakfast?"
Do we have to watch Gordon Ramsey flambeing swordfish steaks in red wine while we eat our frozen fish cakes and instant mash?
"As soon as it clusters into a cultural bubble, it's done."
"Is this the spatula or the whisk?"
Tags:kitchen, kitchens, kitchen utensil, kitchen utensils, spatula, spatulas, whisk, whisks, cook, cooks, home cook, home cooks, bad cook, bad cooks, cooking, home cooking, men in the kitchen, caveman, cavemen, cavewoman, cavewomen, cave, caves, stone age, bc, b.c., early humans, cave-dweller, cave-dwellers, prehistory, prehistoric, hunter gatherer, pre-history, pre-historic, prehistorical, paleolithic, husband, husbands, wife, wives, helping in the kitchen, dunce
'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'
"My wife dresses to kill; she cooks the same way..."
'For the instant mashed potatoes, the heat and serve puddings, the canned cranberry sauce, the defrost and serve pumpkin pie and the delivered roast turkey, we are truly thankful.'
"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."
"No, hon, your cooking is great. Hold on - yes, I'd like to order a large pepperoni..."
Tags:pizza, pizzas, pizza delivery, pizza delivery service, pepperoni, bad cook, bad cooks, bad cooking, white lie, white lies, fib, fibs, fibbing, small fib, small fibs, reassure, reassures, reassuring, reassurance, reassurances, insult, insults, insulting, cook, cooks, homemaker, homemakers, home maker, home makers, gratitude, ungrateful, ingrate, ingrates
"They've agreed to drop the charges, but only if you agree never to stuff the turkey again."
Tags:prison, jail, jails, jailed, charges, drop charges, drop the charges, drop the charge, condition, conditions, agreement, agreed, agreeing, judge, judges, judged, judicial, judiciary, jury, juror, jurors, jury duty, law, lawyer, lawyers, legal, legality, legalism, prosecute, prosecutor, attention, pay attention, focus, focused, focusing, alibi, excuse, excuses, turkey, thanksgiving, stuff, stuffed, stuffing, stuff the turkey, stuffing the turkey, foodie, foodies, food lover, food lovers, cook, cookery, cooking, bad cook
'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'
"I can't make eggplant parmesan. I have plenty of eggs but I'm out of plants."
"That's three counts of attempted burger."
Tags:barbecue, barbecues, barbecuing, barbequing, barbeque, barbeques, cookout, cookouts, cooking, grilling, grill, grills, food, hamburger, hamburgers, burger, burgers, bad cook, bad cooks, burning, burnt, food waste, police, policeman, policemen, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, arresting, under arrest, attempted murder, crime, wordplay, word play
'Even the dog wouldn't eat my homework.'
Is that pancake ready yet?
'The bizarre etiquette of entertaining: the smaller the group the worse the food.'