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"Oh, I'm happy enough - I just wish my life were more like Sting's."
"What ever happened to 'dumb but happy'?"
"If I had it to do all over again I wouldn't change much—maybe part my hair on the other side."
"No, I don't need an alarm clock - anxiety is my alarm clock."
"I guess I'm just unlucky in love. My first wife left me...and the second one won't!"
"Been there, drunk that."
"She's an enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a bear onesie."
"What? Did I say something reasonable?"
"Sure, I'm Irish. That explains the green underwear, doesn't it?"
'If I hear one more person say 'Just a little of the top' I'm going to lose it!'
'If I hear one more person say 'Just a little off the top' I'm going to lose it.'
'You know Mary, under this frightful appearance, a poet's hart is beating... and his kidneys... and his liver... and his bladder...'
"The way I've got it doped out, postmodern man is all context and fragment."
'Hey, watch your language you two! Can't you see there's a lady present?!'
"I think she likes me - she says I'm beyond being and nothingness!"