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"The fact that your parents weren't married does appear to make you a rat bastard."
No, I don't have a Dad: Mum says that the Vet came to see her one day and that I was born a few months later...'
'You never knew you father. He drove into a pothole on Spruce Street.'
"Well he doesn't look like anyone from my side of the family."
'You remind me a lot of my son, Pemberton...a lazy, worthless, no good illegitimate bastard.'
'All illegitimate people are bastards, but all bastards aren't illegitimate people.'
I like your suit, to me it says 'management'
'He's such a fake! Even his dandruff is plastic.'
'I wanna be a milkman like my dad when I grow up!'
"So! Begrudge me a little porridge would they? Welll I'll be back with daddy's twelve guage, when the bastards are hibernating!"
"You're being let go. It's come to my attention that you have the laxy bastard gene"
"Typical man - a miserable bastard."