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"Make that sound again, you know, the one that makes me laugh."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, bed-ridden, bedridden, check-up, check-ups, checkup, checkups, check up, check ups, health check, health checks, symptom, symptoms, stethoscope, stethoscopes, bedside manner, bad doctor, bad doctors, bad bedside manner, inappropriate comment, inappropriate comments, sound, sounds, laugh, laughter, laughing, sick, sickness, ill, illness
"Good heavens! Who hooked you up? This one is cable TV!"
Tags:television, televisions, tv, tvs, t.v., t.v.s, television cable, television cables, t.v. cable, t.v. cables, tv cable, tv cables, cable television, cable tv, cable t.v., hospital, hospitals, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, nurse, nurses, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, bed-ridden, bedridden, iv, ivs, iv drip, iv drips, i.v., i.v.s, i.v. drip, i.v. drips, intravenous drip, intravenous drips, intravenous therapy, cable, cables, wire, wires, hooked up, mistake, mistakes, error, errors, many cables, many wires, modern life, modern medicine
"Under our holistic approach, Mr. Wyndot, we not only treat your symptoms, we also treat your dog."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, bedridden, bed-ridden, holistic, holistic medicine, alternative medicine, symptom, symptoms, treat, treating, treatment, treatments, cure, curing, sick, sickness, ill, illness, holistic approach, holistic approaches, animal, animals, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, dog, dogs, dog owner, dog owners
"It's lotto fever."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, medical, medicine, diagnosis, diagnoses, sick, sickness, ill, illness, bed-ridden, fever, fevers, running a fever, temperature, temperatures, thermometer, thermometers, number, numbers, lottery, lotteries, gambling, gambler, gamblers, jackpot, jackpots, money, lotto fever, prize, prizes, sweepstakes, lottery ticket, lottery tickets, playing the lottery, lottery addict, lottery addicts, lottery addiction, gambling addict, gambling addicts, gambling addiction, word play, wordplay
"The defibrillator's not for pressing panini."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, medicine, medical, nurse, nurses, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, sick, ill, bed-ridden, sandwich, sandwiches, panini, panini, lunch, lunches, hospital food, food, meal, meals, snack, snacks, cooking, cook, cooks, chef, chefs, food preparation, making food, medical equipment, defibrillator, defibrillators, inappropriate use, alternative use, alternative uses, innovative, innovation, innovations, creative, good idea, hungry, starving
"Well, we removed the growth, but the operation has left you paralyzed from the neck down."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, x-ray, x-rays, hand, hands, bedridden, bed-ridden, toy, toys, puppet, puppets, puppetry, surgery, surgeries, surgeon, surgeons, operation, operations, growth, growths, paralyzed, paralysed, paralysis, dark humor, dark humour
"There's a reason, Jim, that they call it 'cow tipping' and not 'bull tipping.'"
Tags:hospital, hospitals, medical, medicine, patient, patient, serious injury, serious injuries, bed-ridden, hurt, injured, injury, injuries, animal, animals, cow, cows, bull, bulls, cattle, cow-tipping, cow tipping, prank, pranks, joke, jokes, prank gone too far, joke gone too far, went too far, reason, reasons, lecture, lectures, told you so, stupid, dumb, bad idea, dumb idea, bad ideas, dumb ideas, law of natural selection
"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"
'I'll be perfectly frank with you, we need that bed!'
"Hopefully he'll be up by morning - I gave him a laxative!"
"It's a 'Get well or else!' card from your boss."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, worker, employee, employees, boss, bosses, ill, illness, get well card, get well soon, employee, work, job, employer, husbands, wives, husband, wife, bed, bed-ridden, note, letter, card, ill, illness, sick, time off, threat, threatening, working, sickbed, boss, manager, superior, sick leave, sick leaves
'Jaundice really ought to have wiped the smile off his face.'
'Head towards the light, Dear.'
'We're keeping you under wraps until we can figure out what to do with you.'
'The good news is that he won't be able to sit down for a week!'
'They all send their love except Mother who says break the other arm.'
'Monday morning feeling? But it's thursday!'
'I'm saying - I want to share your pain - you selfish bastard!'