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'Honey, the delivery guy is here.'
'What? Didn't your parents ever tell you who delivers babies???'
Whoops, left the tape out. We'll have to start over.
'Well, Dad, it's 2:00 AM and we've been messing with her all night...'
Too posh to push - Cesarean Clinic.
'...so as soon as I seen the old gal havin' trouble calving.;..'
'Don't worry Judy. We have a new procedure for difficult births. We simply insert a Slip 'n slide, turn on the sprinkler and whoosh!'
'Quick, Sable dear, mouth-to-mouth respiration!'
'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."
Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.
'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'
Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Break Water'
Tags:chicken and the egg, birth control, eggs, chicken eggs, doctors' surgery, md doctor, pregnancy, family planning, the pill, egg, chicken, birth, birthing, pregnancy, fertility, fertilise, babies, baby, family, mother, mum, prevention, preventative, prescription, pills, doctor, medical, health, laying eggs, hen, mother hen
'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'
"Congratulations, sir! It's a boy!"
"I don't know about you, but it's going to take me awhile to wrap my head around all this."
"I want a natural birth, no make-up, no lip gloss, no..."
"Congratulations on becoming a mom! Wow, he has such a big..."
Tags:mom, moms, mum, mums, motherhood, mother, mothers, birth, birthing, birth, delivery, deliveries, pregnancy, with child, bun in the oven, having children, having a child, mother's day, mothers day, pain, painful, childbirth, child birth, swordfish, sword fish, labor, labour, labour pain, labor pain, labour pains, labor pains, marine biology, marine biologist, marine biologists
"Congratulations, Counselor. It's a boy and your wife's fine. She just had a little difficulty passing his fin through the birth canal."
Tags:counselor, counselors, counsellor, counsellors, solicitor, solicitors, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, wife, wives, difficulty, difficulties, birth, births, birthing, birth canal, birth canals, shark, sharks, distrust, distrusting, distrusts, waiting room, waiting rooms, birthing difficulty, birthing difficulties
'He says he won't come out until you buy him a new cell phone.'
What if Pirates Were Born With Their Wooden Leg?
'I became a gynecologist because I like to meet new people.'
'A funny thing happened to my mother in London.' - 'I thought you were born in Bristol.'
Pregnant woman enters door marked: 'Mommy Time ... With Pre and Post-Natal Hug Therapy'