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"His coffee's always crap for about a week after the MacArthur genius-grant winners are announced."
For Today's Dad
"Your laughter, Kevin, is decidedly medicinal."
'Eddie, thanks for being so understanding about our break-up. So whatcha doin' there? A little product testing?'
'Do you feel that life is passing you by?'
'I've led a life without regrets - except for marrying you, of course.'
'Your honor, I challenge juror number 7, the defendant's ex-wife.'
'Your copy of 'Bitter Housewife Monthly' arrived.'