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"He can't speak to you at the moment - he's bonding with his compensation package."
"I've enjoyed our bonding time together, son."
"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."
"My Dad gave me the birds and bees talk, I don't think he could handle the real facts of life."
'That was really good son! This time try and get more follow through and really flick the poo hard.'
"Time for thaw awkward father son talk. You know, the one about fluctuating interest rates and instability in the markets."
"So, which one of these little fellas is yours?"
"We have a lot in common. We both hate homework, vegetables, bedtime, chores, long car trips. . ."
"Which one of these little fellas is yours?"
"Look, if you really want to be my best mate as well as being my dad, pop in here and get me 20 fags and a can of lager."