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"Do we want to just flip a coin, or hire expensive consultants so they can flip a coin?"
'We have to make huge cuts in spending, which means. . . Difficult decisions ahead which means. . . We hire more consultants!'
"Did you hire a consultant? I didn't hire a consultant."
Tags:consultants, business consultant, business consultants, consultant, meditation, meditations, business guru, business gurus, guru, gurus, corporate guru, corporate gurus, corporate environment, business advice, wisemen, wise men, wise man, wisdom, business advisor, business adviser, business advisers
"We got a call about a consultant."
'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'
'Heads, we hire a new business plan consultant; tails we try raise money with a giant yard sale.'
'And now over to Mrs Miggins for our financial forecasts...'
Tags:financial forecasts, financial forecast, financial adviser, financial advisers, business consultant, business consultants, psychic, psychics, fortune teller, fortune tellers, fortune, fortunes, forecast, finance, financial, finances, stocks, shares, stock market, horoscope, crystal balls, crystal ball, magic, forecasting, financial forecasting, made up, who knows, guesswork, guessing, better than guesswork, superstitions, superstitious, mystical, mystics, better than nothing
"Accepting change involves more than changing the 'Managing Change' meeting to next month!"
Tags:change, changes, resist, resists, resisting, resistance, change in management, changes in management, meeting, meetings, business meeting, business meetings, procrastinate, procrastinates, procrastination, put off, putting off, puts off, business consultant, business consultants, efficiency expert, efficiency experts, accept, accepts, accepting, acceptance
"Simple effective communications with users is essential, so we're going to practise drilling down to identify core interpersonal information transfer methodologies to accelerate meaningful dialogue protocols."
Tags:communication, communicate, communicates, jargon, corporate buzzword, corporate buzzwords, buzzword, buzzwords, corporate culture, business culture, effective communication, effective communications, business consultant, business consultants, communication consultant, communication consultants, consultant, consultants, corporatespeak, corporate speak, office culture, boss, bosses, manager, managers, management, doublespeak
"The time management consultant rang to say he's running late!"
Tags:time management, manage time, manages time, managing time, consultant, consultants, expert, experts, expertise, late, run late, runs late, running late, tardy, tardiness, punctual, punctuality, consult, consults, consulting, life coach, life coaches, coach, coaches, coaching, life coaching, irony, ironic, business consultant, business consultants
"The department brought in a business consultant who recommended a 20% cut in compassion to save money. So in future when you come in you'll have to talk to yourself!"
"We've consulted widely amongst ourselves and decided that after giving ourselves a fairly dierce grilling that we were probably right all along!"
"There's a marked absence of leadership in this business...we need to think about the possibility of setting up an advisory group to look into the problem!"
'As a consultant, my job is to speak to you as if I knew how your business worked.'
"I work with start-up tech companies that are in the idea stage and help them mature into full-blown concepts!"
Tags:business consultant, business consultants, tech companies, technology company, tech company, start-up, start-ups, start up, start ups, invest, investment, investor, investors, innovation, new, concept, business model, growth, expansion, entrepreneur, entrepreneurs, creativity, management, manager, growth
"It's from our 'Time Management' trainer. He's double booked and can't come!"
The 'Time Management' consultant rang to say she double booked and she's going to be late!"
"The business consultant has ordered a 20% cut in compassion to save money so I'm afraid you'll have to talk to yourself from now on!"
"Apparently a six month study of work practices has revealed that we have to waste too much time on paperwork!"
'The new system was hideously expensive but we need to know where the business stood!'
"You have reached Efficiency Consultants. All our agents are busy now. Why aren't you?"
"most of you have met Higgins. He'll be helping us prepare for the upcoming audit."
"In order to cut costs we are no longer animating our presentations..."
'If you want to meet your target to reduce overheads I'd suggest you sack me. That'll be £13,000 plus VAT.'
'This report says management is ineffective, what can we do?'