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Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.
'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'
'Much like my hairline and waistline, our numbers are trending in the wrong direction.'
Tags:business meeting, sales numbers, sales quarter, sales quarters, salesmen, salesman, salespeople, sales target, sales targets, sales chart, quarterly sales, sales data, business data, business intelligence, health and fitness, middle age, waistline, hairlines, war room, trend line, downward trends
"As you can see here, there were a few downticks, followed by a few upticks, finishing off with some antics."
Tags:business meetings, chart, graph, sales report, sales reports, charts, graphs, sales, sales presentations, sales data, sales numbers, sales figures, quarterly earnings, earnings reports, business reports, downturns, upturns, business cycles, business data, business intelligence, line graphs, meetings room, war room, corporate earnings, corporations, analytics, big data, big-data, surprises, anomaly, anomalies
Store with sign: 'Auntie May's Pie Charts. Let Us Cook One Up For You.'
"We tried crowdsourcing the data, but the crowd turned into an angry mob and threw bogus data at us."
Tags:data, big data, big-data, data analytics, business data, business intelligence, business meeting, meeting room, war room, conference room, conference table, corporate, customer data, customer analytics, bi, crowdsource, crowdsources, crowd-sourcing, crowd-source, crowd-sources, crowdsourcing, crowds, angry mob, angry mobs, bogus data, bad data, dark data, analytics, team, data science, data scientists
"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."
"He's been using the new virtual reality data viewer and climbing bar graphs..."
"... and thanks to the Great Anton with his powers of levitation, our customer intelligence numbers are up for the fourth consecutive month."
Tags:customer intelligence, business intelligence, data, data analytics, business analytics, big data, big-data, business data, customer data, charts, data chart, data charts, business meeting, business meetings, businessmen, company, corporate, corporations, magic, magician, magicians, magic powers, magic power
'I accidentally sent this week's data charts to the 3-D printer.'
'Let me introduce you to James, our data steward, Bill, our data custodian, and 'Moose,' our data bodyguard.'
'In celebration of Thanksgiving, this week's pie charts are all pumpkin flavored!'
"At least we are consistently inconsistent."
'Well, no, I don't see any patterns in this data, but I did see Elvis in my oatmeal this morning!'
"Hmmmm. I'll bluff. Then they'll counter-bluff, so if I counter-counter-bluff...password should do it."
'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'
Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'
Directory charts for those lost in complicated requirements documents.
"Actually, 48.7% of statistics are made-up."
"Having conducted a comprehensive analysis of dozens of subsets of data from a wide range of sources which confirmed that the likely answer is 36....now we just need to identify the question!"
"The graph hasn't changed in six months, I'm starting to doubt the analytics team."