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'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'
Rex and Rusty simply didn't understand that no matter how snappy their sales presentation was, it would always look like a dog and pony show.
'Granted, the Board of Directors didn't think much of your proposal, but I think they'll be impressed by your resilience!'
The Elevator Pitch of Frankenstein
"Hey, do any of you guys want to start a gang?"
Tags:gang, gangs, businessmen, businessman, corporate culture, corporate environment, corporate environments, gangster, gangsters, business pitch, business pitches, boardroom, boardrooms, business proposal, business proposals, crimes, organized crime, organized crimes, organised crime, organised crimes
"I'm sorry, Ms. Farkas can't see you right now. Can you come back when you're more important?"
'Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing.'
"If they don't like our proposal I'll show them the kittens. Everyone likes kittens."
'Inform their C.E.O., C.F.O. and C.O.O. that their proposal is D.O.A..'
A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'
"It's a swell offer, Brad, and you're a great guy, but I've just got out of a bad limited partnership, and I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet."
'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'
"You have until he rolls his eyes and looks at his watch."
Tags:boss, bosses, employee, employees, meeting the boss, meeting with the boss, pitch, pitches, business pitch, business pitches, rolls eyes, roll eyes, rolling your eyes, short attention span, attention span, attention spans, passive aggressive, passive aggression, cowed, frightened, worried, big meeting, big meetings
'This will make the consumers think differently about our bacteria problem,'
"And so, while the end-of-the-world scenario will be rife with unimaginable horrors, we believe that the pre-end period will be filled with unprecedented opportunities for profit."
'Before sending these ideas I have to the boss, run them past legal, my Ouija board and my magic 8 ball.'
'Yes, that will work as an elevator pitch...if your potential client works in a skyscraper...'
'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'
'Whoops. That's upside down.'
'Here's where you give me non-comprehending nods of approval.'
"Damn it, gentlemen, these are medieval times. They demand medieval ideas."
Tags:medieval, medieval period, medieval times, middle ages, primitive, primitiveness, uncivilized, uncivilised, business pitch, business pitches, oral hygiene, hygiene, unhygienic, dentist, dentists, dentistry, dental surgery, toothpaste, toothbrush, history of medicine, business plan, business plans, business strategy, business strategies
"You say it's a win-win, but what if you're wrong-wrong and it all goes bad-bad?"
Tags:win-win, win, situation, business pitch, business pitches, businessmen, businessman, investor, investors, investment, investments, investing, business plan, business plans, business strategy, business strategies, corporate culture, win-win situation, profit, profits, business jargon, corporate jargon
Focus Group Failures
'Or to put it in marketing terms, you want more whizbang, we'll need more gizmos.'
'Looks good. Let me run it past the number-crunchers.'