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"Why are you screaming at the microwave?"
"I'm coming off a bad break up. My cable company dropped me."
Couple watches potential cable company buyouts on television.
'Hello, and welcome to Acme Cable. If you're calling about a billing issue, big whoop. Get over it and pay the bill. If your cable is out, who cares. When it's fixed, you'll know it. If you're...'
Death returning a cable box.
'Apparently honey, too much internet is bad for your marriage...'
"I would've called and cancelled, but you know how I hate disappointing cable companies."
"Remember, new customers get the slightly discounted Triple Bundle. Current customers who complain about their bill get the slightly discounted Pacifier Package."
"Well, someone could be there between noon and five, but what's the point?"
"I don't have a doctor's excuse for my absence, but here's a note from my cable company."