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"We are experiencing high call volume. Please do not hold."
'No. There's no one who works here by that name. Let me connect you to our branch office.'
"Good morning. This is the White House. Press (1) for disinformation about coronavirus testing; press (2) for disinformation about masks and ventilators; or press (3) for all other corona disinformation."
Tags:call centre, call centres, call center, call centers, call options, white house, oval office, trump, donald trump, president donald trump, president trump, trump administration, trump scandal, trump scandals, trump controversy, trump controversies, covid-19, corona, coronavirus, novel coronavirus, corona virus, pandemic, pandemics, epidemic, epidemics, disease, diseases, flu, flus, illness, sickness, virus, viruses, mismanagement, misinformation, spreading misinformation, coronavirus testing, masks, face masks, ventilators, ventilator, ppe, personal protective equipment
'Thank you for calling the Zepco mattresses hotline...'
"This isn't a sales call? Aren't all calls, in the final analysis, sales calls?"
'Oh, so you want to get nasty? Well, two can play that game! Remember when I told you to have a nice day? I RETRACT IT! Oh, yes I can! I just DID!'
"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."
Tags:training recording, training recordings, training tape, training tapes, call centre, call centres, call center, call centers, helpline, helplines, help-line, help-lines, help line, help lines, customer service, customer services, customer satisfaction, customer experience, training purpose, training purposes, customer experience, customer experiences
"We have a wonderful research department and they've identified you as a potentially hot prospect."
'Oh, God I have to talk to a *****! Human!'
'I'm sorry you were on hold so long, but I was finishing up a webinar on customer service.'
'We're experiencing technical difficulties with the geni fulfilment center. A geni will be with you shortly.'
Santa's Jolly Ole Complaint Resolution Call Center
"I'm starting to think humans don't even like winning free cruises."
Tags:robot, robots, outsourcing, call centre, call centres, telephone, telephones, phones, phone, spam, internet spam, robocall, robocalls, telemarketing, telemarketer, telemarketers, free cruise, free cruises, winner, winning, win, prize, prizes, you win, cold calling, automated call, automated calling, modern life
'All our operators are busy with customers who don't have an eternity to wait.'
'This call may be monitored for training purposes or just to keep our staff amused.'
"I selected option 2, for help with my billing question, but was switched to option 3, to get a hard time with my billing question."
"How can I be of no assistance whatsoever?"
"Have you tried doing the thing you just told me you tried?"
Eureka! This has telemarketing sale of a diet supplement written all over it.
"1-800 Herd of Elephants."
'Mr Frimley, sir, can I have a word about the motivational artwork...'
"Your call is important to us."
Tags:call line, call lines, call-line, call-lines, helpline, helplines, help-line, help-lines, skeleton, skeletons, bone, bones, corpse, police, policemen, policeman, detective, detectives, crimes, crime scene, crime scenes, customer service, customer services, call centre, call centres, call center, call centers, hold, put on hold, wait, patience, patient
'Yes, I do want insurance. Can I take out a policy against you ringing me up at work.'
Our menu has changed. To hear this message again, press 1. To hang up, press 2.
Staff are all busy having a cup of coffee and a bit of a sit down...please hold on, your call IS important to us!