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'No, an aptitude test is not a test on your cell phone apps knowledge.'
"Daddy doesn't have a job. Daddy goes to the gym."
Tags:parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, father and son, fathers and sons, gym, gyms, gym goer, gym goers, gym fanatic, gym fanatics, fit, fitness, muscular, unemployed, unemployment, gym membership, gym membership, body building, body builder, body builders, hypermasculine, hypermasculinitiy, fitness fanatic, fitness fanatics, gym rat, gym rats, careers, careers advice
Need a little help with your career planning?
"At the moment I'm torn between the emotionally rewarding but poorly resourced role of a social worker or a more intellectualy rigorous career in quantum physics."
'Why did I become an accountant?' Well in truth I just threw a dart at the first page of the dictionary but becoming an aardvark was to difficult
'So, you've no experience, no skills and a poor grasp of reality... Have you considered consulting?'
'I'm looking for a career in something that will make me first in line for a government bailout if I mess up.'
'...it may be advisable to think of a referee other than your mother.'
"So where do you see yourself fitting into late stage capitalism?"
"I see...and any ideas other than Supreme Leader of the Universe?"
'Let me guess - You want to be a helicopter pilot?'
'I'm getting ready to apply to colleges. Do you have a list of party schools?'
Success in a modern business setting requires more than the ability to mime to 'Arctic Monkeys' while blancing a pint of lager on your head.
"Where's Waldo in five years?"
Tags:where, where do you see yourself, in five years, five year plan, five-year plan, five-year-plan, planning, plan, plans, planned, career, careers, career plan, career advice, careers advice, job, jobs, job interview, interviews, interviewing, resume, good resume, cv, good cv, c v, interview skills, world of work, new job, new hire, hiring, hires, recruiting, recruitment, recruiter, human resource, human resources, hr, h r, pun, puns, word play, word-play, play on words
'Maybe you could refer to your time behind bars as 'living in a gated community'.'
'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'
"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"
Tags:overworked, overwork, overworking, workload, workloads, work-life balance, life-work balance, personal time, personal life, stressful job, stressful jobs, family time, family life, family-life, social problem, social problems, santa claus, career adviser, career advisers, careers advice, father christmas
'I don't wanna discuss my responsibilities! I wanna talk about my rights!'
'The good news is, you'll never have to worry about being overqualified for any job...'
'Posting a song on the internet and becoming a global singing phenomenon is certainly an option, but you might like to consider focussing on your GCSE's as a back-up!'
'To be honest, I've never known for my work ethic.'
'I explored all of my career options and found sitting on a porch was more rewarding than becoming a pumpkin pie.'
A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...
"I think you'd make a persuasive salesman."