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'At the risk of sounding judgemental, I don't think they really mean it.'
No Smoking in the Castle
Tags:king, kings, royal, royals, royalty, castle, castles, smoking, smoker, smokers, bad habit, bad habits, no smoking, no smoking indoors, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, one rule for all, privilege, privileged, privileges, insult, insults, insulting, insulted, authority, no authority, above the law
Tags:dragon, dragons, medieval, knight, knights, princess, princesses, royal, royalty, damsel, damsels, lady, ladies, sword, swords, slay, slay the dragon, slaying the dragon, slaying dragons, castle, castles, rescue, rescuing, damsel in distress, women's empowerment, liberation, female empowerment, strong women, strong woman, empowered women, empowered woman, women's liberation, female liberation, gender equality, don't need a man, prince, princes, relationship, relationships, taking control of your own destiny, like that, learning, learn, teach, teaching, fairytale, fairytales, modern life, modern fairytale, modern fairytales, fairy tale, fairy tales, modern fairy tale, modern fairy tales, role reversal
'I don't think you completely grasp the situation here, Francois...'
'News from the battlefield, sire. Our army was declared victorious. However, the Huns have challenged that rulling and it is currently under review...'
"I remodelled, but I left it so that when danger threatens I can still take refuge in the redoubt."
Tags:castle, castles, fortress, fortresses, remodel, remodeling, remodelled, remodeled, house, housing, king, kings, royalty, royals, safety, panic room, panic rooms, redoubt, redoubts, architecture, architects, building, buildings, flipping, house flipping, house flipper, contractors, contractor, building contractor, building contractors, protection, protections, protect, guard, guard, sentry, sentries, guard tower, guard towers, tower, towers
Castle drawbridge opens to reveal a dishwasher
Tags:castle, castles, moat, moats, drawbridge, drawbridges, bridge, bridges, knight, knights, soldier, soldiers, medieval, draw bridge, draw bridges, horse, horses, dish, dishes, plate, plates, cup, cups, pot, pots, dishware, dishwasher, dishwashers, dish washer, dish washer, appliance, appliances, kitchen, kitchens, open, opened, opening
Prisoner Stretches Before Stretching Torture
Tags:torture, tortured, stretched, stretches, stretch, important, importance, fit, fitness, gym, gyms, yoga, yogi, essential, warm up, warm-up, routine, medieval, castle, castles, dungeon, dungeons, peasant, prisoner, prisoners, executioner, preventative measure, health, healthy, lifestyle, static stretches, static stretching, visual gag
Castle in the Clouds
Tags:mountain, mountains, castle, castles, fairy tale, fairy tales, fairy story, fairy stories, fairy castle, fairy castles, fairy tale castles, fairy tale castles, castle in the clouds, oxygen, oxygen tanks, oxygen tank, high altitude, high altitudes, mountaineer, mountaineers, mountaineering, impractical, impracticality, tanker, tankers, breathing, oxygen, lack of oxygen, oxygen deprived, oxygen deprivation
'Well Mr. Jenkins it may be historically accurate, but it doesn't really comply with planning permission as an extension to your bungalow.'
"It's a great old building, but I wish we had a more up-to-date security system."
Tags:security system, security systems, alarm system, alarm systems, security, defence, protection, drawbridge, drawbridges, suits of armour, suit of armour, knight, knights, home security, old building, old buildings, listed building, listed buildings, castle, castles, historical building, historical building, burglar proof, burglar proofing, burglar alarm, burglar alarms
"Nowadays, they have to share the expense of owning a castle."
Tags:catapult, catapults, catapulting, catapulted, boulder, boulders, rock, rocks, miss, misses, missing, missed, shoot, shoots, shooting, shooter, shooters, castle, castles, knight, knights, defend, defends, defending, defended, attack, attacks, attacking, attacker, attackers, attacked, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
"We are not under siege, Your Majesty. You just have a siege mentality."
Tags:peasant, peasants, soldier, soldiers, medieval, warrior, warriors, siege, sieged, sieges, siege ladder, ladder, ladders, siege tower, tower, towers, siege towers, castle, castles, aide, aides, king, kings, threat, threatened, siege mentality, psychology, insecure, insecurity, ego, egotistical, parallel, parallels
"It's true that I promised you my kingdom for a horse, but I've changed my mind."
Tags:king, kings, sovereign, sovereigns, ruler, rulers, monarch, monarchs, monarchy, royal, royalty, castle, castles, peasant, peasants, citizen, citizens, promise, promises, broken promise, broken promises, kingdom, kingdoms, horse, horses, trade, trading, negotiating, bargaining, liar, liars, lie, lies, lying, medieval, history, historical, politics, government, governments, changed, change, changes, changing your mind, my kingdom for a horse, shakespeare, william shakespeare, richard iii, play, plays, theatre, theatres, theater, theaters, quote, quotes, poor, poverty, literature
The King and His Real Estate Advisors
Tags:king, kings, ruler, rulers, sovereign, sovereign, monarch, monarchy, royal, royalty, kingdom, kingdoms, throne, thrones, castle, castles, palace, palaces, advisor, advisors, adviser, advisers, buy, sell, rent, let, lease, real estate, real estate agent, real estate agents, real estate agency, real estate agencies, estate agent, estate agents, estate agency, estate agencies, property agent, property agents, property agency, property agencies, property, properties, agent, agents, agencies, agency, land, million, millions, higher, price, prices, advice, advise, house, houses, home, homes, selling, buying, selling a home, selling a house
"I'll tell you what it is. It's two hundred thousand peasants from permissive peasant homes, that's what it is."
Tags:peasant, peasants, serf, serfs, serfdom, landsknecht, knight, knights, horseman, horsemen, cavalry, cavalier, cavalries, cavalry men, professional, professionalism, professionals, horseback, medieval, melee, flail, flails, plunder, plundering, plundered, raid, raided, raiding, efficiency, efficiency, cruel, cruelty, persevere, persevering, perseverance, tragic, mace, maces, historical, castle, castles, keep, the keep, keeps, king, kings, feudal, feudalism, medieval, medieval times, class, class struggle, permissive, home, homes, benefit, benefits, social security, hand out, hand-out, handout, handouts, hand-outs, hand outs
Knights jousting on pinatas
"They look happy."
Tags:king, kings, royalty, ruler, rulers, ruling, castles, castle, tower, towers, battlement, battlements, king's aid, kings aid, peasant, peasants, underling, underlings, wealth, wealthy, rich, riches, rich people, wealthy people, distant, distanced, desensitised, desensitisation, privilege, privileged, olden days, the olden days, happy, happiness, looking happy, detached, detachment
"We found the spare key under the welcome mat."
Tags:royal, royalty, king, kings, welcome, welcome mat, medieval, olden days, monarch, monarchy, monarchs, peasant, peasants, revolt, revolts, castle, castles, unrealistic, parallel, rich, poor, overthrow, rebellion, rebels, peasants revolt, key, keys, easy, entry, oversight, foolish, obvious, throne, crown, class warfare, warfare, revolution, revolutions, history, combination
'Well, so much for Plan 'A'.'
"I want to apologize for some of the remarks I made during the heat of battle."
Tags:battle, battles, castle, castles, siege, sieges, siege warfare, battleground, battlegrounds, battling, temper, tempers, temper tantrum, temper tantrums, knight, knights, knighthood, knighthoods, military campaign, military campaigns, bad manners, rude, rudeness, insult, insults, heat of battle, red vision, medieval warfare, soldier, soldiers, front line, front lines, bad manners, polite, politeness, good manners, manner, manners
'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'
"I wish you'd do something about the moat."
Tags:king, kings, sovereign, sovereigns, queen, queens, ruler, rulers, monarch, monarchs, monarchy, royal, royalty, castle, castles, moat, moats, pollution, water pollution, litter, trash, rubbish, garbage, junk, floating, clutter, mess, messy, cluttered, clean up, clean-up, housework, chore, chores, cleaning, yard work, yardwork
Rapunzel's Short-Lived Relationship With Icarus