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"Go ahead, waterboard me."
'Is this a bomb in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?'
Senate Hearing: 'Define torture.' 'Having to testify before this committee.'
"Get me everything on everybody."
CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'
'You're 40+, your looks are gone and you're invisible to men. How would you like a career as a contract killer for the CIA?'
Spies who are lousy at hiding in plain sight.
'We made it! We're on the most wanted list!'
'We just lost our last safe house to foreclosure.'
"After pondering acronyms in the order of 3, I deduce that any who scrutinize the CIA, FBI, or FED may end up DOA!"
"I'll have the Investigator's Special."
One of the best conferences I've never been to.
First Church of Washington, DC. Remember, God works in mysterious way - and so do the FBI, CIA & NSA.
"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."
'Wikileaks: 3 days without an intelligence data dump.'
'CIA Recruitment: We're looking for a few good hackers.'
"You got BA in hacking and an MA in international sabotage? You're just what we're looking for."
'Have we found a scandal in here?'
'Obama is the 'Food Stamp President'.'
"You really think this will work?"
'Any other counter-terrorism experience besides driving a junior high school bus?'
'Did you know that they can listen in to our telephone conversations?'
'We're merely sharing info, the way the FBI and CIA have been encouraged to do. We're being patriotic.'
"Sorry I'm late, but the CIA had me confused with another Arvin V. Ritely, and I was questioned about smuggling arms into Peru."